Friday, 24 June 2011


I walk into my office after a rickety bus ride and enter huffing and puffing. I try to plaster a smile to my twitched lips and feel it parched and dry. I want to lick it wet and go about my business, but wait- You can't do it here! This is my office- the sanctum sanctorum of work ethic, code of conduct and code of blah*blah*I can conveniently forget about my looks and sit in my seat stoically. I try to look neat and in proper order, my colleagues brand me a fashion-crazy brat! I methodically carry a tiny mirror, a comb, a lip-gloss, little loose face powder and a few tissues. But seldom do i use it in office, just for the fear i may be branded a brat...

Every morning when i enter the office, that full length mirror starts mocking me and by mid day, every customer who turns out at the counter looks at me bemused. Some look bewildered at the state of my hair- sticking out in all directions, 360 degrees...The oil from my hair has a mind of its own, it flows from my forehead, runs along my nose and bathes my chin. The T of my face looks so oily, may be Idhayam will book me for their next gingelly oil ad! Good-riddance Jyo! And the ultimate one comes those days when i keep jasmine flowers in my 3 inches hair. As the clock ticks on, the thread gets lengthier. By the day end, when i vacate my seat, there will be flowers strewn all over and a very irritated ( obviously!) male occupying the same chair for his next shift;) 

The obvious fashion and decency faux pas that usually occur in office are WMF ( Wardrobe Mal Function), SLTM ( Sunday Longer Than Monday), PKOC (Pull the Kitten Outta the Cupboard) and the perennial peekaboos! I start with WMF- You plan the green saree could go well with your black blouse and enter your office with a great do i look beautiful smile. Alas! the smirks on your female colleagues' faces and the lopsided smile of your male counterparts tell the whole story. You are an avid inventor, only next to Da Vinci. You are artistic and Da Vinci would be wincing, glancing at your sea blue ( or is it sea green?) and pink ensemble from Up Above! You wish you knew who invented the matching blouse ideology. May be a bowl of your hand made halwa will ensure he never invents anything else...

Who might be better to illustrate international WMF than our Britney? What a dress to sport when you carry a nursing baby! I hate men who sport blue pants and green shirts...Worse  still, the Father of all Wardrobe Mal-Functions- our Kollywood and Tollywood Super Duper stars! "Champestanu...." roars Tollywood SuperHero in a  parrot green pants, cotton candy pink shirt, white belt and a huge silver buckle, oh- all this teamed up with canary yellow shoes....Oh my, i would swoon if i get to see one such person!

And the SLTM factor is ever present in office, especially the unassuming women folk. You never know something is amiss, until someone in the crowd outside or your friend inside the office points out. Probably Naidu Hall must be paying Royalty to all these SLTM women who advertise their bra...nd! I usually use the SLTM quote in office when unsuspecting staff suffer from this syndrome. They make a quick check...It doesn't look nice if Sunday is Longer Than Monday, you see!
SLTM ( Sunday Longer Than Monday)

Then there is the PKOC- Pull the Kitten Outta Cupboard which occurs often in churidhar clad women. As per definition, i always do a personal check while getting up;) And oh...the peekaboos! Sarees always play spoilsport when worn to office, which restricts your freedom of movement. I, in particular feel having been paralysed on my left, every time i don a saree...The Idi Amins of city buses and professional goldsmiths ( hehehe...they find every opportunity to rub on you!)  in offices, always have a knack of checking out the peekaboos at the right time! It is usually the mid section that mortifies us to eternal shame. To look decent, I always use half a dozen pins at all strategic locations to avoid unwarranted peekaboos.  And the dupattas- the less said, the better! I prefer to pin it up on both the shoulders when in office, to save some grace. I cringe when someone sports a dupatta that lies carelessly draped around the neck, exhibiting everything else... 

In office, dear friend? Check out WMF, SLTM, PKOC and peekaboos...Save your personal dignity and the men, from committing A Deadly Sin- staring at you! God save the women...


  1. hehe dats a complete goodwill post!

    n yea i remembr wen i was wrkin, i too nevr applied gloss jus thinkin wat evryone els wud think abt me. as in oh so vain types.
    n jus so u kno deres so place els id go without it.

    upar se my offic was a complete govt office kind n all dhool mitti. bwackkkk! reminds me of soooo many unpleasant memories!

    n yea luv d cute lil abbreviations uve given. hilarious!

  2. Hey Sadiya, thanks for the comment yaar! LOL at the lip gloss misadventure. And glad to know you escaped from the Govt office:P

  3. Is yet to go through tht feel.
    A student and does everything she pleases but restricted by the society. Obviously Slutwalk cnt happen in real life.

    Poor you!! I hope the menfolk in ur office get a life soon.

  4. lolz...I simply loved I have been into jobs too so I can relate a lot with your experience..the lip gloss thing. the duputta thing and the peekaboos! hahaha yes it surely happens this way when you are working with both male and female colleagues know I had to go to our office's lil prayer room to adjust ma lip-glose, comb ma hair again and puff the facepowder...people thought she is too religious! hahahaha but what to do I din want to be branded a brat! I disclosed the secret for the first time..I know you will understand;p

  5. Funny as ever. I hate wearing dupattas, but like to see people wearing them very stylishly. I am never without my vasaline/ lipgloss/lipsticks, and compact, though none of these things add anything to my beauty. There was a time i used to love being in sarees, now although I still love them, have lost touch in keeping them in place. I don't bother who is watching , i just apply the things I want to apply, and also dress the way I feel comfortable.
    These days duppattas are meant to be a style statement that's all, and even to make that style statement I feel it is like an extra baggage to carry along.

  6. Dear Redhanded, thanks for the comment. Men in offices, especially Government offices shall remain the same for ages and ages. So no use fretting:(((

  7. Dear Mishi...thanks fro the comment. So, you are so religious, eh? Hahaha!

    Dear Rama, thanks for your visit and comment. Yes, we can live life and dress up as we like, until we are in the confines of our home. But in offices, there ought to be some dress codes to be followed, else we land up in trouble. I usually dress up as i wish when going out with family, but when in office, i prefer a lot of down play:)

  8. 1.WMF, SLTM, PKOC..wats the abbrevation for all these ? and PEEKABOOs..

    2.And even if womn check out at all those abve mentioned factrs do u thnk
    men,can stop the deadly sin u hav mentioned.hahaha!! ...dont deny biology.

  9. Loved this post!! I have had WMF often and I can just imagine the oil oozing out thing- it happens to me too. I come to office with my hair sticking out in 360 deg and after a brush and retying get back to work. By 1 PM the power cut hits us and by the evning my hair is pinned up on top of my head..SLTM is ofcourse more embarrassing.. Imagine working in a all male office? I have had that experience too and I felt a million mocking smiles of women colleagues are better than something that may be noticed by male ones..

  10. I understand, WMF-Wardrope malfunction, SLTM-Sunday longer than Monday , PKOC -Pull the kitten out of cupboard (behind the dress....)

    Whether looooow hip jeans covered by SLTM or only peeping straps?

    Comments on Gent's attire (like green shirt and red pants)? It has reached you, yes, you are talking about that!

    A diffent thought, I have not even expected that you can write something under this topic!

    Proceed on your own way!

  11. lol...sister, am lost about the meaning of the abbrv words but i get the jest...but whats wrong with a black blouse & green saree?.. good combo to me.

  12. aww.. Loved it Cloud nine right from the lengthy mirror to everything you penned here.. Thoughtful post.. and congrats for the increase in Google Page Rank (2).. Keep Smiling..

    Someone is Special

  13. Should I comment -- Enough will stay off cha sorry away??!!!!!1

  14. Hey Nivedita! Happy birthday :)

    Now, coming on to the post, I had a hysteric laughter while going through it :D

    You pinpointed at the right aspects with the right humor content.

    The advice needs to be seriously pondered over by every female office goer

  15. Thanks for the comment dear SiS:)And thanks again for the mention on Google page rank:)

    Dear Red Heart....LOL!!! Stay away, dude!

  16. Hey Prerna, thanks for the lovely birthday wish! Glad you loved the post. Do visit the bog often:)))

  17. So many accolades - tangy Tuesday, notable newbie - I am so proud to see you grow as a writer.

    And I chuckled and chucked...Tough to imagine you as a prim and propah woman.

    Me, I avoid a dupatta with my churidar(rarely wear one) - if I do, I end up tripping on it :)

  18. Awwwwwwww....thats the BESTEST comment i ever received on my blog dear Purba:) As i had earlier said, i changed my style of dull, boring posts to sarcastic whiplashes only after reading A-musing! Thank you! And regarding the prim and propah woman, we have to be so, while working in a place where you get to meet hundreds of people every day...

  19. ha ha!! Loved this one!! As I am reading this sitting in my office I am just making sure if any of the above theories are ON at the moment!! Uff!! Gotta be so much careful!!

  20. Hey Cindrella, thanks for the visit and comment. And LOL on your comment. Take care:P


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