Friday, 17 June 2011

Sibling Rivalries

This post is seriously...ahem...dedicated to my dear brothers S and R;) 

I am almost plucking all my hair in despair...Dealing with a beloved brother or sister is a real nightmare especially if you are the eldest. My dear brothers made sure i ended up half mad, fixing alliances for them. The elder one did crazy things so  much that i felt dealing with a lunatic in full form! When young, as siblings, we were a very happy lot, playing blame games and had fun complaining each other to Mother. Let us call the elder one S and younger one R. S by nature was a trouble monger, but was so diplomatic, always landing blame either on me or R. R had always been in the receiving end of Mother's Love *wink*wink...S hoodwinked Mother so much, she believed R and me were always troublesome. We together broke a wall clock- ahem, it was rather I, when playing cricket in the living room. Together we dumped idlis- our daily breakfast, on the lofts at home. After five years when the painters ended up with a box full of dry idli balls, all Hell broke loose. I still vividly remember the thrashing received that day! Ouch, that hurts! We broke a sofa(!) and ended up as an unceremonious pile on the floor. Enter Mother with a broom...I could see she was fuming but one look at us piled up on the floor- she burst out laughing. And we too, went by the game.

S was fiercely overprotective and possessive. Every time i wore my skirt and left from home, S's scrutinising eyes peered and scanned entire area for trouble. All this, when he was younger by a good four years! Argh! Sigh* Mother tried to discipline us by promoting healthy competition...ahem...But what got promoted was full fledged wrestling for the Mamma's child post! How much ever we did fight, S ended up Mamma's darling and  me and R the unfortunate tyrants. As years passed, fledglings grew wings and flew away from home and Mother, but still, there was the same undercurrent of rivalry and I must be better than my brother or sister syndrome!
All our rivalries came to an END when Mother died all of a sudden. The only person who loved to see children better each other in competing was dead and gone. Her death forged us together and as the eldest girl of the family, i was left with two unsettled brothers. As we laid her to rest and stood praying on her grave, i received my own Enlightenment! Gone was the feeling they were my siblings and rivals. They looked more vulnerable, small and unprotected. S and R are now my own children, or so i feel. And may be this has given me the Mother Hen attitude! I keep picking at them both for all their little escapades and i know they hate me like Hell for that. The worst part came when S married.

Oh did he behave? He wanted everything done His way! Starting from the wedding card, the mangal sutra, the garlands, bouquet, the wedding attire, stage decoration, everything had to be done His way. I remember certain gruelling episodes then-
 1. He started from Trichy at 4 am and dumped me in Tirunelveli  ( 350 kms) in exactly 4 hours- at 8 am. I was belted to the seat, fully reclined and was counting the bones when i alighted down the car!.
 2. He wanted a wedding card in baby pink with a pink rose on it, with a golden tag and pearl. We went to Lovely cards Sivakasi at 10 pm, when the shutters were half down and spent well over  two hours selecting his card! By the time we left the showroom, entire Sivakasi was in deep sleep!
3. S wanted bouquet only from Tuticorin, as he loved the bouquet my husband brought for me. Now a trip to Tuticorin and along winded by-lanes, a severe woman- hunt for the lady who did my bouquet. We finally located her after a day's search and ordered the veil and bouquet exactly as per S's preference, off white and gold combination! The icing in the cake was S's funny fight at ten o clock in the night, a day before the wedding. S argued that his bouquet was not so glittery as the bride's. Now, it was R's turn to take a lightening visit to the nearest shop to buy glitters. I remember pasting glitters on his bouquet at twelve midnight!

4. S wanted a rose petal garland unique to Coimbatore area. My darling wanted it from Tirunelveli. Again, a ride to Tirunelveli asking every florist if they knew how to tie the special rose petal garland...Finally one of our childhood friend's relative agreed to it, after seeing the pictures! Poor florist! He went to Madurai to learn how to tie garland- S style!
5. S wanted his bride to have unique flowers- orchids! Orchids? Oh well, he might have thought, let sister dear arrange it from Western ghats! We managed to locate a florist in Chennai(!) and the sprayed orchid travelled 16 hours before  reaching our place!
6. S loved crackers- the louder the better, the colorful the best. So, another purchase from Sivakasi- direct from the wholesaler.
7. Ah..then came the wedding attire- the entire wedding resembled a fashion show- traditional coats for wedding, blazers for engagement and Sherwanis for receptions. All purchases in Chennai- another trip, stay in hotels, purchase in boutiques, slipper hunt for the bride, bindis, hairclips....*sigh* why the Hell did he not marry in a Registrar Office?

We had travelled more than 3000 kms for S's wedding and spent 3 months of meticulous planning. And how did i start for the wedding? My freshly permed hair still in coils! Applied nail polish in the car and on S's wedding day, i forgot to keep flowers in my hair- considered inauspicious by my grandmother....argh! Extra adrenaline and pumped up BP, i wonder why i did not have a heart attack when the garland did not arrive on time! The inlaws of S refused to welcome him without the Machchaan malai! R who went to collect them from a location 60 kms away would have given Schumacher a run for his money in Grand Prix! S refused to get down from the car without garland and i had to run from dining hall to his waiting car, armed with idlis and chutney, splashing sambar on my new designer saree...Awwwww man, how i hate S...*gritting teeth*...

And now history repeats itself. It is R's turn now and he is not at all helping me, by refusing every girl we show him! I am totally at loss as to what type of girl he likes. Whatever be the type, it is ultimately him who is going to live and him who is going to be my next Wedding nightmare. As i brace up for the next innings, all i can wonder is Dear God, why did you send me first?


  1. lol
    wel at least he's lettin u find a grl n hasn gotten one himself.
    dats wat i suspect my bro is goin to do n i keep dwellin in the agony of hw sum hot shot model is goin to b our ghar ki bahu n make us cook n clear fr her :D

  2. lolz.lolz,lolz
    being the eldest in my family, I had a lot to relate with your post....and i can understand all your expressed and unexpressed feelings..
    you are doing things very nicely ..and your brothers are lucky to have you..
    there was a time when I used to think the same "why on the earth God sent me first!'

    but as time passed by..I have realized its not that bad! they are your siblings...and how adorable they seem when they look up to you for guidance , help, support and what not?!

    its truly not that bad...they value your presence knw it..they know it...its sweet:-)

    wish you all the best for your second venture;p

  3. I thought i was following your blog..but now found out i wasnt! Sorry!!!

    Btw this post is hilarious...hour your tragedies are making the readers laugh :P


  4. LOL Sadiya! Thanks for the comment. The problem with my brother is, he wants us to find a 'model' like bahurani:((( Any takers???

  5. Dear Mishi...awwwwwww that was a sweet comment! Yes, i love them and adore them,only feel difficult at times with them. All in a day of life;)

  6. Dear issues ma:) Love the word coined- COMITRAGIC LIFE!!!

  7. LOL, seems like you'll need a servicing soon after the next marriage, you've already travelled too much in the first rally itself. :D

    may your brother find his match soon, and preferably, on his own. Saves you the trouble.

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  8. Part I:Family setup: of an ally is not an easy joke. summava sonnanga"kalyanam Pannippar"??
    2.Eldest ones wer always the scape goats.(u know why?_ They can with stand some blowing s Physically or mentally.
    3.Brothers born wit elder sis were always lucky ones..( In my primitive days i had observed friends of mine gettin showered affections by their elder sis...) whic made even me to long for one(?! Mad na).

    Part II: (marriage of S)
    1.Interesting Tales of N...
    2.However nw days reg our Indian marriages .... my views were getting Communist..does it worth spending Rs.5 -Rs.10 Lakh for a day's ceremony (half of whic goes in to vein).IN a long term our society should change our views on tat.
    Part II:(marrage of R)
    1.first u ppl all had showed Thanni to him (thanni katurathu). now is his turn to pay yu back.

    God send u first as opening batsman to face Brettlee/McGrath in first 15 overs bowling tat too in a bowling u dont keep scoring ..but know what Cricket is all abt...(this is like Robert Frost sense...)

  9. LOL...!! I can just imagne all that tension.. Yos it is a big responsibility being the oldest. Worse if the younger one is a sister. I have my own woes about that brat. But as we grow older we become friends. I can understand your mother hen attitude- when a mother dies the sister takes her mother's place in most Indian families. Hope you have an equally interesing time at " R's " marraige!

  10. hmm...may God help us all...I have suffered the almost same with my his marriage...

    When I came back after a long shopping eve the last day before marriage his furniture was outside the house as he didn't liked it at all....I have never travelled in Karachi this much bfore...where try to find out his KIND of furniture...or the BED to be more

    Its not his fault...both the bride and groom has 6+ hieght and nobody ever thought of having 6*5 feet bed would be inappropriate for

    Thanks for bringing back the memoris...

    Don't will find one for the younger one too...

    Be happy and be brave...

  11. I really enjoyed reading it. Wish you all the luck in your search for a bride for your other brother.
    I suppose it made you realise how difficult it is to play the role of a mother... really tough.

  12. Dear Blasphemous Aesthete, thanks for the comment yaar. Sure, i do need a servicing after R's wedding, it might be MAJOR;)

  13. Dear Anonymous, LOL at your comment on cricket and me:P May be true we spend lavishly for our weddings, which must be curtailed. But what i feel is, it is once in a lifetime baba, why not the bride and groom be happy? As for S, glad his wedding got over. And for R, thankfully, we have been assigned the job of looking a prospective bride, which most youngsters never concede to the elders!

  14. Dear Meera, thanks for your comment and kind wishes. Haope i manage R's wedding too and come out unscathed:P Glad you too have a younger sister and you love her today after all this.....;)

  15. Dear Thinking...argh...same story across the borders too? I can imagine how you would have searched for 6'5" cot all around Karachi;) Thanks for the wishes, i need loads of good luck and wishes to see R married off!

  16. Dear Rama, thanks for the wishes, i do need them in loads;) Yes, the role of a mother is not easy. We learn lessons of life the hard way:(

  17. :D hahaha sibling!!! yeah tell me abt it D:
    I really enjoyed reading this post :D its straight from the heart :)
    hope R finds a good match soon :P

  18. *am in awe*...learning more about your ways...i thought what i do see in films were exxaggrated but you've just proved otherwise...well, i dunno what advise to give here, so wish you goodluck & happy preparation for the wedding :D

  19. R and S get away because they have a doting sister who panders to their whims.

    And Sambhar on your designer saree? You should have demanded a new one!

    Loving your humour laced posts.

  20. Dear Rajlakshmi:) thanks for the loving wishes. I too hope R finds his soulmate soon:)

    Dear ibhade...LOL at your comment. Yes, we love to do everything- filmi style. What you see in our Bollywood movies is true 100% Wish R gets married soon:)

  21. Dear Purba, thanks for the visit and comment. Yes, till they have a doting sister, these brothers will wreak havoc;)And LOL on the sambar comment. Next time, will demand a new saree for the wedding:P

  22. Thanks for the visit and comment dear SM!

  23. Well, well, well!!! Just because S & the so called blogger did not see the underlying difficulties during their weddings, doesnt mean it happened itself. R went thru the same making sure the blogger and S wedding went smoothly with the help of other senior members in the family. This doesnt mean he wil give them a easy ride in return, does he has to? I think he is just ensuring them to do the same for him what he did for the blogger and S during their respective weddings!!I am sure R is trying to do his best to make sure he doesnt trouble you for all these petty things in life and hence very persistent on what type of girl he wants! Sincerely yours R!!!


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