Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Virgin is IN!

Ah! 18 again! 

Isn't that lovely? To feel young, carefree and energetic and ahem... virgin ? Your 30 plus body fails to respond to the whims and fancies of your 18 year old tiny heart that likes to skip, hop, jump and to 'tighten'. Fasten your waist belts or rather your panties 'tight', ladies- the 'tight' is here! Hola! You can snap your finger at the hapless male whom you have been despising all your life, you are 'tight'. Crawling on his knees and panting he would now run the household, when you- the 'liberated' can click away on your high heels, flashing the errrr...tight glory hole!

The whole country goes gaga over it! At parties where hush-hush of forty plus aunts and career women in their lunch breaks of nondescript offices where rumor mills worked overtime are now teeming with 'information' on the tights. Feminists and neo-feminists, masochists- everyone alike is scouring information on the revolution- Tight is IN! You are an innocent housewife stuck in time machine, cleaning, cooking and shedding tears watching soaps when it dawns on you. The full page advertisement beckoning you to the "world of 18 again" on Sunday Times interests you.

The women of India are now 'liberated', thanks to the 'yummy mummies' who flaunt their reed thin bodies in twitter and 'silicon beauties' who strip and flash in every tabloid. Fifty shades of grey is the new Holy Book and here comes the Holy Gel to anoint you- the 18 again cream. Ah, and it comes in discreet packaging as the website claims! And that too at a throw away price of Rs. 7290/- Wow...the cost enough to run a family of four for a month, as per our 'planning commission chief'. 

Nose jobs, 'extra' fittings, lip pouts, liposuctions- what not to get the 'killer looks'? Women don't worry about the number of times they go through the knife- they are bothered about the 'rejults'. See our own Shilpa Shetty- she had the priced catch, post the nose job! Raj wouldn't mind the nose when it looks tiny on a grown face. Boney doesn't mind Sridevi's you see! After all the outer shells, now they crack the ice- creams and gels to enhance inner tightening!

Do you mind if 70% of girl children in the BPL depend on their free sanitary napkins issued by the government to tide away those 'three' days? Nah. Why would you? You sink in Poison, have multiple cosmetic surgeries, wear designer labels and drive flashy cars and poor men with equal aplomb! The only missing part in the puzzle is now gifted to you- the vaginal tightening gel! Now that you got all that you wanted, Dr Macmohan would now be offering his prayers fearing repetition of Togo's fiasco. Perhaps women can gain expert advise on 'withholding sex' from Togolese women who are on a sex strike against their President. Crossing the legs, spreading 18 again and refusing sex at home can make someone SPEAK!!! How liberating! How exhilarating! 

Let us embrace 18 again and attain 'inner' nirvana! All at the cost of 7000 bucks. Oh, the ingredients of the cream- gold(?), aloe vera, pomegranate, almonds, dhataki, vallarai ( centella), almost the ingredients of a 'different' curry, except the gold part makes it deliciously edible too!! Good luck, women of India, say bye bye to lose skin, welcome 'tight' liberation! Regain your virginity, that is imperative than your freedom!

For those poor souls who can't understand a single line of this 'intellectual' blabber, go through this 18 again advertisement!

Monday, 27 August 2012

Queen Of Spades- Part 6

The smell of fresh hay and hushed whispers of men resounded through the Royal Stable. Kuyili was breathless as she sprinted towards Chinna Marudhu who was petting his black stallion. " I need to talk to you", she sounded so desperate and Chinna Marudhu viewed the stable. The men had stopped their whispers. All eyes focused on her. He hated it when she came like this, spoiling his work. He knew how Periya Marudhu's eyes lighted up on seeing her, how he threw furtive glances at her and how he sought flimsy excuses to enter the maids' quarters to look at her. Kuyili's unwarranted attention on him was unnerving. He despised her. Hated her. Loved her!

He nodded his head and taking his cue, she rushed to the Royal orchard nearby. He followed suit and hissed, " Don't you ever dare disturb me when at work. Why don't you seek Periya Marudhu if the issue is so important?" Kuyili looked visibly offended, she cringed. " I looked for him in the stables. He is away on some errand. Listen, we shall fight later. Something important has come up", she said. " Rumors are doing the rounds in maids' quarters. King Muthu had invited Poonguzhali to his Harem and she is on her way, dolled up as a bride!" Chinna Marudhu felt his head reeling and the world spinning. How could he? He loved Velu Nachi so much. That wretched Royal blood! He thinks he could  just walk away? How could he take on a mistress when the Queen herself was nursing a new- born?
"There comes father"- oil painting Raja Ravi varma- courtesy cyberkerala.net
" Does the Queen know?", he asked, his voice pained. " No, i intend to inform her now", she replied. He stood rooted, contemplating what to do next. Sending a message to Ramnad Palace would be of no use, the messenger would reach there in two days time. Something had to be done, fast. " Come, let us meet the Queen", he clipped. Both of them were just in time to see the King entering Velu Nachi's chamber. Puzzled, they decided to wait for the Queen. Periya Marudhu had whiff of the rumor and he too raced to Velu Nachi's chamber only to stare silently at the other two friends waiting outside.  A few moments of tense silence gripped them and they saw King Muthuvaduganathan leaving the chamber. 

All the three pounced inside the room to find the Queen seated by the window,   her face devoid of any expression, totally masked. " Don't you worry, Queen. I shall behead that vile serpent of a woman", Chinna Marudhu thundered, his face red with fury. " Don't you dare!", yelled Periya Marudhu. " Let us see what plan the Queen has devised." Silence. She stood up slowly, her eyes never wavering from the horizon extended far. " If the King prefers a maid over me, so be it. I wish this matter is left as such. If i need any help, i would definitely call my trusted friends". With these words, she nodded her head towards the door. Unable to discuss anymore, the trio marched out. Velu Nachi remained shut indoors for many more weeks. The King of Ramnad visited the Sivagangai Queen, but was helpless to do anything, against his daughter's wishes.

Poongodi continued to receive the unwavering attention of the King, yet he forbade her from attending the Royal Court. It was here did Velu Nachi find her solace. She was an ardent orator, an able administrator and a versatile woman. Muthu liked her long debates with courtiers, her vision for development, her affinity to the French travelers and Portuguese traders. It gave him immense pleasure to watch her at Court, as she had totally shut him out from her private chamber. His 'romance' with Poongodi did wear off soon, as she gave birth to a girl child. 
"Looking into the mirror"- Raja Ravivarma- courtesy cyberkerala.net
Velu Nachi took great care of her toddler, spending every moment alive, with the little one. As years passed, the little one grew brave and valiant- Vellachi Nachiyar, the Princess of Sivagangai. Unable to bear the loneliness, Velu Nachi adopted a girl child, named her Udaiyal and brought her up as her own, much to the chagrin of the King. Her affinity to the French lead King Muthuvaduganathar to invite the French Generals for know-how on warfare. The Sivagangai army learnt to make guns, gun powder and were building the fort with mortars and shells. The soldiers used to swords and valaris learnt the trick of handling the guns and mortars from the French. 

News of the French interests in Sivagangai went to the notice of one man who vowed to fight the French till his last breath- Nawab of Arcot, Muhammad Ali Khan. He had planned revenge on the French who killed his grandfather Anwaruddin Muhammad Khan in a fierce battle.  His father Chanda Sahib ruled for a very short span under the French, losing crores in taxes to them. Hyder Ali of Mysore was too big a threat to ignore and Muhammad Ali sought the help of the British, who in turn helped him regain the Throne from the French. 
Death of Nawab of Arcot- Anwaruddin Muhammed Khan in battle against French
Painting by Paul Philipoteaux
Unaware that the British eyes were roving over his Kingdom, King Muthuvaduganathar entertained the French, inviting the wrath of the British and the Nawab of Arcot. The British along with the Nawab were planning a mid day raid on Kalaiyarkoil Temple of Sivagangai.The King of Sivagangai walked straight into their traps with Poongodi and his daughter from her.

To be continued... 

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Queen Of Spades- Part 5

The solitary lamp in his chamber did nothing to hide her beauty, Muthu thought. A lock of hair dancing to its own music kissing her ear lobe, arched eye brows twisting, huge expressive eyes shining like embers stoked by love and lips luscious and a full mouth- she could pass easily as a painting from the bygone era. "I just have one request, King"- Velunachi implored. " And what would that be?", he queried. " I have grown up together with my friends- Kuyili and Marudhu brothers. We have spent every living moment together and my only wish is that we remain together for the rest of our lives", she muttered, twisting and untwisting the pallu of her saree. Saying this, she stared intently at his face.

He had expected her to demand anything- the stars shining in the eastern horizon, the pearls of Middle East, the fabric from China- he was ready to give her anything- to his Princess- the to be Queen of Sivagangai. And all she asked was to have her bunch of friends with her? The woman never posed a serious threat, but the Marudhu brothers? He had to do some serious thinking. But for now, he would go by her wishes. Let  her be happy for now. His firm mouth curved in a mischievous smile as he looked at the beauty seated nearby. " Do i have a choice, when my sweet heart has asked me a favor?", he asked. It was exactly that second there was urgent knocks on the door. Whispers were heard and as Muthu opened the doors, the Marudhu brothers tumbled right in.

" I am sorry, O King!," Periya Marudhu fumbled at his head dress. " We were supposed to take the Princess back as soon as possible. The whole of Ramnad would now be rife with rumors about the missing Princess. If you would permit us to leave, we would be glad to move in the dusk," he continued. " Sure. Please take Velunachi safely back to Ramnad, but this time around, do take her on her horse. Send me a message when you reach the Palace," Muthu ordered. With one last longing glance at him, Velunachi breezed past in a short, confident stride.

The Ramnad Palace was bristling with anxiety and when Kuyili saw the three figures mounted on stallions riding at top speed towards the Palace two days later, she heaved a sigh of relief. King Chellamuthu Sethupathy was definitely a worried man. Though he knew of the antics of his daughter, this stunt, visiting the groom unannounced and unknown to anyone in the Palace, left him seething in anger. All this anger melted seeing his daughter accompanied by Marudhu brothers. She now wore the look of a peaceful, radiant and happy woman, not the barely impulsive girl he saw the previous week. The change in her made him glad- very glad.

The wedding in all grandeur took place on the sprawling lawns of Sivagangai Palace. Decorated with flowers, garlands and bedecked with jewels the bride resembled a Goddess. King Muthuvaduganathan could not get enough of staring at her- his Queen. The pearls in her aram were no match to her pearly white teeth that flashed with every smile. The diamonds in her ear rings failed to match the sparkle in her love-lit eyes and her ruby necklaces looked dim in comparison to her crimson lips, carved in perpetual smile. He was very happy, except for the one instance when she insisted on the Marudhu brothers being seated in the front row for the rituals. Too much of importance to laymen, especially soldiers not from the clan irked Muthu. He will sure see to it later. With an imperial wave and occasional glances at his new wife, he barely tolerated the ceremony. 

The festival of wedding continued well for over three days and by the time her parents left with tears brimming in their eyes, Velunachi felt tired and sick. The look at her friends who stood watching her intently brought a lump to her throat. They had left behind a life in Ramnad, simply to be with her- their little Princess. She vowed never to let them down- her own trusted friends. The days that followed were Heaven, she reveled in the love showered on her by Muthu. Months rolled by and the birth of a beautiful daughter, a token of her love made the Queen ecstatic. What more could she ask for- a loving husband, the title of a Queen, trusted friends by her side and a cherubic daughter. She had all the happiness in the world and was blinded by it somewhere in the middle. So when Kuyili informed her of the King's supposed second marriage to Poongodinachi of Sivagangai, Velunachi was shattered.

To be continued...