Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Look up, i say!

Men...ahhhh...this is one intriguing subject that i can ramble on and on for ages. When it comes to looks, they are just mind- blowing. Not the way they look, but the looks they give every moving being with extra weight on the torsos. Men- any variety- be the uber cool or the conservative introverts, the super smart or the plain ordinary, the eyes and the power they have enthrall me. Not the para psychic power that can bend spoons and plates, the magnetic power that can make any woman bend inwards and hang her head in shame...All these pieces manufactured with the main chip programmed to envision only the 'assets' of women! All stereotypes who start and end a conversation looking 'there' and keep their eyes rooted throughout the entire melee 'there'. 

Though the silicon revolution is catching up in India now, the raunchy hormonal libido of men goes overdrive just at the sight of the assets well marketed by women of all-woods, starting from Aishwarya Rai to Rakhi Sawant. Rakhi Sawant? Oh yeah, the Saint who challenges that every testosterone package will lose virginity to her- including the bak bak Baba! That she can do only displaying her fairly over proportioned assets is no secret...I wonder men 'look' for Rakhi in every woman they could lay their eyes upon. We can happily exclude the minimal exceptions, who like genuine friendship with women and who can keep up the friendship for ages by simply 'looking up'.
Seriously man, did you 'look' at her face, huh???

Indian average male has always been fed and pampered in a male chauvinistic society where women are looked upon..oops, there i go weaker sex. And starting from 'avvaiyar kozhukkattai' ( a secret dumpling made only by women and for women with absolutely no knowledge of men of the house!) to ' those five days', Indian women remain so secretive and subdued. Result- from time immemorial men have been wanting to know what lies beneath the 'package' so much that we have them panting...' choli ke peeche kya hai?' And no wonder they try to use their left and right telescopes ( eyes!) as vernier calipers , deciphering the 'inner nirvana'! The older they get, the peering becomes promiscuous- eye sight problems at forty, you see! I wonder how the hormonal imbalances never affect the 'looking down'. 

It is totally another matter when a woman drops something down. The ' sincere sahibs' try to pick up the pen lying on the floor with their binoculars aimed at you know where...I have seen many women with the mannerism of pulling their neckline or holding their neckline as a drowning man to a stick when bending down to retrieve things! Ah...there lady, don't forget your behind...Roving eyes will already be measuring if it is L, XL or XXL!!! Libido infected men suffering from acute 'looking down's' syndrome will always haunt us. So what do we do, poor women? Simple- give them icy cold stares at the crotches!!! Oh no, one look there and you will have an entire battalion scratching the crotches, looking at you, half eyes closed! Alas...what other option do we have? Just stand up to them and say- LOOK UP!!!

P.S.: I was truly inspired to write this post when i found fellow bloggers Redhanded and Holy Crap taking up the unfair- sex bashing to new heights in blogosphere! Now it is my turn to turn the heat on;) 

Sunday, 25 September 2011

The 100th Post!

This is Cloud Nine's 100th Post! And a come back after a short hiatus. Having read so many bloggers' 100th post that thanks everyone in blogosphere for reading, commenting and revisiting the blog, i sucks to write a Memorial Service post;) So, here i go, in my original tongue-in- cheek style...

1. A 100 posts, i pat myself, God thank you for giving me so much free time to while away as a useless muse in Here after, see to it that this lady attends office properly on time and does her laundry on time, rather than typing away mad posts in the middle of the night!

2. One person who would be immensely happy if the missus stops blogging would probably be the Mister of the House who has to talk to the pillow every night, crooning his love, when the lady love tears her hair frantically trying to write something funny. Fun at the cost of a man who works 12 hours a day, who definitely needs a change and few loving words from a kind wife. Thank you Almighty, Mister didn't get ideas of kicking the lady's butt off his house! And Mister was kind enough to "adjust" with the multicolored inner wear that entered the laundry white and were spat out in vivid myriad colors- thanks to the dutiful Missus who attends to the laptop more than the washing machine!

3. Two little devils were having field day when Momma was busy with her leopard printed mad box. They had all the time in the world to paint the house walls with colorful water colors, mould and imprint color clay on the carpets, inserting pencils in the plug points to check the power supply, open- close- open game of the water taps in the bathrooms and cut paste papers on the fridge! Poor them, if Momma doesn't blog, how could they ever rag the pet dogs? Little devil two misses her dog training lessons now...Ronnie and Dixcy are a happy lot- Madam of the house trains the little devil now and they can now breathe in peace!

4. Facebook friends- ah...what would i be, without their LIKES and COMMENTS? Thrust compulsorily and marketed vigorously, poor them HAD to visit the blog once in a few days when Madam posts something new. And worse, if madam catches you online, beware, you have to answer a volley of questions regarding the post! You can't feign reading them...Poor you! Tsk...tsk...It was fun watching all friends go offline the moment Madam goes online- like a power shutdown!!! Madam is extremely grateful for the few souls who treaded the dangerous waters and had the patience to comment on the posts. Those Facebook friends who never visited the blog...grrrrrrr...Madam prays you fail in the next semester exams!

5. How can i forget my blogger friends? My physics master would be happy if he heard i finally deciphered Newton's Third Law! Every comment in friend's blog will be rewarded by a comment in your own blog;) So that means the comments given is proportional to the comments given! But then, to get those comments, i had to browse through many many blogs- some: too good, some: good but nevertheless, entertaining! Reading others' blogs helped me overcome my terrible fascination for mills and boon finally, in my early thirties!

So it is finally a BIG THANK YOU to Almighty for bringing me back to life with all vibrancy and all those smiles...Reading every feedback has done eons to boost my self esteem and constant bickering from the Mister who asks- "when is your next post?"  has shaped up what Cloud Nine is today- Confident and Righteous. So, if someone ever thought "Thank God, she has shut her mouth finally", Sorry folks, I AM BACK!!!

Friday, 23 September 2011

A small hiatus

Cloud nine is right now on a small hiatus, due to a surgery. Will sure be back with a bang in a few days. Till then, please support me by your prayers and comments on the blog. Would definitely miss you all...

Monday, 12 September 2011

From masala movies to CMs!

As the screen goes up, the whistles almost deafen my ears and loads of paper bits fly by the screen. The crowd erupts into a frenzied chant..SUPER STAR...and by the time the crowd settles down after whistling, yelling, clapping and artis...finally emerges a man in his sixties. His hairline almost missing, his already wrinkled face shown in close-up can give me the goose bumps, now wait a minute, i paid a hundred bucks to watch this old man romance, emote, fight and dance? What a waste of my money! Now,not so soon lady- the fun is yet to start...Every masala movie starts with an intro scene where the Hero usually springs up from errr....a spring-diving board atop a pool,  a diving board under the sea floor, a spring board placed on a high- rise...Spring board makers, i say, you demand royalty from Kollywood!

Hero enters and all Hell breaks loose. A super fight ensues, where props fly, noise levels reach a level where i feel thrown out of my seat almost and atleast dozen stunt actors fly away, with not even a single scratch on Hero- MIND IT! Even his moustache can make a man fly! If you want more of King Rajinikanth and his super-heroics, click here!

Cut...and Hero enters his poor hut. ( Atleast they live in huts in movies!) There is his sick mother who bawls her eyes out on the glycerine bottle and weeps till our eyes are moist and misty. do i forget the sister? The loveable sister of the Hero who always falls in love with the villain's son, gets pregnant and commits suicide in scene number 11! Well, there is the sentiment capsule- Mother- son, Brother- sister emotional cards to play out. Bravo! Director! We are suckers for that sentiments, aren't we?

Then starts the love story of the Hero who is so innocent that he doesn't know what is a mangal sutra, wedding et all, but impregnates the Heroine, nevertheless... Chinnathambi Prabhu, kindly excuse me! And the Heroine- definitely a milky white beauty from North who knows " kunjam kunjam taaaaaamil, machaans"! The villain...hohoho! The unannounced comedian of the masala movie is this person, who usually sports a zip on his cheek, or a big black mole on his cheek or even better someone flashing pan parag infected teeth!
Notice the zip on the left cheek! Pic courtesy-

 As in every masala love story there must be a friend to the Hero who must die a poor death at the hands of the villain. Not to forget, the Hero will forsake him at every road corner, on seeing the Heroine and then the villain, at last! " Nanbenda" ( friend!) In between there will be a Hero intro song, two love songs,( definitely in Switzerland or Venice- location managers, we are sick of these two countries, hunt for some other places, will you?) one pathos, one song on amma ( mother) or Thangachi ( sister) sentiment and a climax song. Oh...the climax- in a city based subject it is definitely in some dreary workshop where steamy action scenes end after ebbing from fights from car, train and even planes! Talking of train, how can one forget Balayyagaru? Here is his most famous train climax scene, weak hearted, please abstain from clicking on the video below-
What an amazing stunt! I wish likes of Brad Pitt and Daniel Craig get yourself trained from Balayya or Captain Vijaykanth or better still, from Vijay! As i move out of the movie hall after one more masala Kollywood movie, i feel like donning Arnold's Terminator special automatic and shooting down the movie cast. And as for the director, wait, you won't die so easily man! I would love to tie you up on the couch...come near you....oh, no, not so romantic you dumbo, switch on the Home Theatre remote and make you watch your own movie till you die! What a punishment! Next time a wanna be movie director wants to make a masala movie, remember this torture of watching your own movie nonstop- till- you- die punishment...

As for the super star, duper star, mega star, supreme star, little super star, captain star and all the twinkling stars out there...Aspirations...who doesn't have one?  Ambitions...who doesn't have one? Well, and to become the next Chief Minister of a State...all that is needed is a successful career in Kollywood with a doting father and a brigade of firebrand fans. That is what probably catapulted legendary actor MG Ramachandran and his confidante Ms Jayalalitha as Chief Ministers of Tamilnadu. A state that boasts of 80.3% literacy and yet you have the ilks of Super Star Rajini, Ilaya Thalapathi Vijay and Captain Vijaykanth eying the CM post. We love them, we dream of them, we drool over them and they? Mint money and become our Chief Ministers without batting an eyelash! So, watch a masala movie and elect your CM!!! Here are some funny posters of our wannabe CM super stars- Enjoy!
Picture courtesy- a friend from Madurai, meaning Anna Hazare of Tamilnadu is Actor Vijay!
Pic courtesy- googleimages, meaning Obama of South India- Actor Vijay!
 God save my country!

Friday, 9 September 2011

Dear Mr PC

Dear Mr PC,

This letter was overdue for almost a year. Be it facing the press at adverse times or paying respect to Madamji, you are a winner. You were chiseled for the post of Home Minister, right from your regal Chettinad days. May be this Royal blood lured the Heiress of Gandhi Hosuehold to your financial prowess. I always gasped in awe at your finance policies when you were the Finance Minister. You were a pucca Chettinad scion, saving the entire nation from economic doom. So far, so good.

Pic courtesy-
You helped Indian economy set sail on turbulent seas, you robbed us middle class in broad day light by tax, tax and further taxes. Your 'economic freedom' in Indian markets brought us flashy cars that drink petrol like Dracula, eateries like KFC and Big Mac who help(?) Indian middle class being converted to a big trash bin and thanks to you, our urban middle class starts their day chewing wrigleys and ends it drowning a pepsi. You freed the markets and tied our hands by representing Enron and Vedanta who have been wiping India off its natural resources. Thanks to you, Enron and Dhabol is back with a bang! And we love the way you address Madamji- with reverence and utmost respect!

You made yourself laughing stock when you commented on Indian Intelligence Failure on 13/7- " Having no intelligence in this case, however, doesn't mean that there was a failure on the part of intelligence agencies". Bravo! What an observation by the Harvard MBA! No wonder Madamji likes your intelligence. The whole wide world knows the vote margin (3354 in a constituency of 7,00,000 voters) by which you won the 2009 Elections from Sivaganga, defeating(!) Mr Kannappan at the last counting stage, where results were delayed. We all know how the Congress Mafia brought you to power, by probably distributing the famous laddus to the Returning Officer...By hook or crook, you became our Home Minister and alas you failed to protect your own ancestral home at Sivaganga! Happy thieves spent five days, cooking meals and running errands inside the locked house. And i hear they are still at large...aren't they, dear Home Minister? Such a selfless man dedicated to the nation, you don't have the time to look into such trivial matters...
Picture courtesy-

And as any typical Indian politician you are promoting your son Karthi- the ex discotheque owner as a stalwart in Congress. No wonder Congress nurtures such RISING SONS...WikiLeaks revelations about Karthi may have dealt a blow to the youngster's political ambitions, but you know, we Indians have short memory. We have already forgotten the Cash for votes allegations by Assange. Karthi Chidambaram's political aspirations solely rest on your able shoulders, sir, and i am sure you will certainly see to it that he is catapulted into National Stardom like Ra(h)ul...A day will come when we will be ruled by Ra(h)ul the PM, Karthi his able HM and not to worry, Dr Manmohan Singh will sure be grateful silently to continue as FM. A nice Government it would make, a Government OF the Congress Scions, BY the Congress Scions and FOR the Congress Scions. ( Crossing myself, God save my countrymen!) A small mention of Jarnail Singh here would be a fitting tribute to end this post- THANK YOU, for what we couldn't do Mr Jarnail Singh!!! Just a doubt- Was that a nike shoe??? We promote "free market"!

Here is the link to what Jarnail Singh did to PC...

Saturday, 3 September 2011

Roads to Arabia- a night at the museum

Strangely, i was always of the opinion that India is the only country in the whole wide world with a rich history dating back to millions of years...Thanks to our history teachers who try to inculcate the apathy towards other nations which we see as countries with little or no history at all, beyond a century or two. Or may be i was always so dumb to think that apart from India, all other countries just emerged out of the Big Bang a bit late! I was in for a rude shock when i visited the National Museum, Riyadh, KSA. The three to four hours i spent there was probably the most educative and informative time of my early thirties...There i said it! All readers younger than thirty can now nine is in his/ her early thirties! Riyadh National Museum is a must see, if you ever get a chance to visit the country, which is simply ruled out, as there are no visit visas to the country. So, i would certainly love to share a few pictures and knowledge gained from the trip i had there.

Meteorite from the Empty Quarter, not the round one you see in front of, but the stone at the backdrop!

The famed desert rose, from the region of Ayn Dar and Abqaiq
Novices would think of a desert rose as a flower from a desert cactus, probably....but no. A desert rose is a rosette like formation of gypsum or barite crystals that form in arid, sandy conditions, usually the deserts. I have heard of Westerners who hunt for these roses driving in 4x4 through the rough desert terrain, simply to behold these beautiful natural crystals.

Neolithic stone spearheads found in Persian Gulf area

The next on display was tiny spearheads made of stone- Neolithic man did exist in the Arabian deserts. The sharpness and array of colors of stones is stunning.

Rock inscriptions of early cavemen in Arab Peninsula

 Equally stunning was the rock inscriptions of cave men found in Peninsular Arabia. The heiroglyphic found is akin to the Egyptian inscriptions. Interestingly, Arabic has descended from Mesopotamian Cuneiform script, as is evident from the following pictures-

Rock slabs showing gradual development of Cuneiform script

Rock inscription in Cuneifrom script
Rock carving depicting a woman worshiping a cow/ goat, early Phoenician Era

Sacrificial altar- where livestock were sacrificed

Most interesting fresco of the museum- prophet and the grape vine, probably depicting Jesus!

A mud strainer, 325 AD

Grinding stone and pedestal- please drop your ideas of patenting our " Ammi, aattukkal"!

Beautiful hand written Quran in old script
And what would be more interesting to learn than knowing how the Arab women dressed up in early times? Especially the jewellery...argh...the vanity in me! Kohl sticks were used so early as in 100 AD, copper needles were used to sew and the beads made of bones and rock gave way to intricately designed gold jewellery. The Neolithic jewellery comprised of roughly hung bones and rock as these-
Beads that adorned Neolithic women in Arab Peninsula
A bead made of colored polished stones

Jewellery of 300 AD, notice the jhumkas in gold, copper kohl stick

GOLD!!! Jewellery of Arab women used a few centuries back, look at the 'thayathu'!!!

Delicately carved gold chain, the figurine probably depicted the lady for whom it was designed for!
I came out of the museum worldly wise and a bit humbled by the Civilizations that thrived along the Persian Gulf which is rich in culture and heritage. So far as i know of Saudi Arabia, the land ranges from anything from unproductive deserts to fertile oases and equally fertile mountains down South, that boast of pomegranate gardens and grape vineyards. The people are usually aloof- probably because they look upon the visitors as people who snatch away their livelihoods. No fault of theirs, actually. Their history and culture is shrouded in mystery to the outside world, but as we get close to their culture and traditions, they appear a misinterpreted lot- a World still lies unexplored, people still closed and drawn, but the roads to Arabia are opening up for sure. A night at their museum taught me that!

Note: All pictures depicted above are from my personal treasure trove. Please don't copy!