Monday 2 April 2012

The Untouchable Women!

Untouchability is a sin. Untouchability is a crime. Untouchability is something that you and i live with, every day. Sorry, we are not living in the caves, nor are we neolithic men and women. We don't even drape leaves and animal skins, but we hold our own women and girls untouchables. Strange, strange...very strange. Ostracizing our own flesh and blood in our own homes, our own sisters and mothers whom we conveniently ignore when they suffer in stoic silence. 

Confusing, is it? Conservative households in cities and villages alike boast of women who spend three days every month alone and aloof. Shunned from entering the Pooja room, spending nights in the most unlikeliest of places- do we ever notice? I had a friend who used to sleep on an empty rice sack in the balcony of their first floor flat, be it rain or shine. And surprisingly she had company- her torn bata shoe and a pounding stick! 

There are little girls who are forbidden to enter kitchens, touch flowers and plants, lest they wilt. Girls are not permitted to touch grain sacks, not permitted to touch tamarind, rice, salt and for that case anything in the kitchen. Funny, they had to carry a bunch of neem leaves wherever they went. And another friend of mine was afraid to look at birds in an empty stomach during those days! Reason- unknown! Even food was not supposed to be left over, the dogs were not supposed to eat that leftovers which gave stomach pain to the girl...seriously? Rolling eyes***( In that case, the dogs would die on the spot, tasting the home made curry!) 

Those happened once upon a time, you could say. No sirs, it happens event today in most households. Only, the untouchability is subtle and snide. The supposedly high and mighty in the class- caste ladders who live only for the upliftment of age-old rituals and traditions, refuse to let women lead lives 'normal' those three days. One of my friend from another religion returned dumbstruck from her neighbor's home scurrying with tears. She was shunted out by her "orthodox" neighbor who had forbidden her from visiting her when she was "suffering" from those three days! What a nerve! Same incident was repeated yesterday when the wife of another friend had been to visit her neighbor. She too was shunted out citing the same reason. This time, the "orthodox" type got her lesson of a lifetime- a sermon on untouchability and discrimination. 

Do they learn their lessons? No. One must visit these advocates' houses who profess 'purest' form of their religion to know how 'pure' they are! A woman's mestrual cycle has nothing to do with religion and God, is what i personally feel. Whom they choose to meet and whom they don't choose to see on those days too is their own whim and fancy. But seriously, would you mind 'seeing' one such neighbor? Definitely, no. When a section of women are gunning for the moon, there are others who spend three days in the balconies and dark crevices of their dwellings. Paradox!
Posters announcing the funcion
If this is the case among the very 'literate' and 'modern' families, their counterparts in villages fare no further, celebrating "manjal neerattu vizha" with full fervor. It is a grand gala festival where posters with the shy and timid bejweled, eleven or twelve year old posing in difefrent attires adorning every nook and corner of the village. Speakers balre songs 24x7. It is eleven or thirteen days of fun and frolic for the relatives, who eat and eat and eat. For those poor souls who don'gt get an idea of this function, kindly view the video link below, depicting the function. 



Probably the goats and hens of the entire village would be breaking in sweat hearing a girl's coming of age! In the past, these functions were held as an advertisement to announce the availability of a girl in the wedding market. That was when girls attained puberty at the age of sixteen or seventeen and they were married off soon. But these days? The practice continues in rural areas. Imagine the plight of the little one who has to face the entire village everyday, later...Does this not amount to cruelty? Celebrating these in the confines of ones' home is one's private matter. But when it becomes a public function, it is ridiculous. It hurts and scars a girl- permanently. Hitting puberty by itself is the most confusing phase of a girl's life. Should we complicate it further? And the periods of a woman can be an emotional roller coaster for her. Why ostracize her and discriminate her? 

58 comments:

  1. hmm...its a very genuine and nice post....and so nicely put...hmmm....

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  2. One of my neighbours doesn't even touch her own child during those days...she asks others to attend to the poor child..

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    1. Anonymous...very sad, but true. Feeling bad for the little one:(

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  3. 1. I always speak for women Liberation.(reasn sELFISH).bt if there s some public welfare in my selfish ness well and gud.
    2. Ostracizing: A bitter word..one sense in nuclear families .. evn at yr dooms day .. u hav to wrk on ur toes.. on the other way.. in big families is it nt an excuse for women to go to rest while other s wrk.?.
    2(U).Pooja ,"forbidden to enter kitchens":(ME): the reason might be some thing inward bounded.. bt nt for sure INSANCTIFICATION. " balcony of their first floor " - really no logic?
    3.(U)"bunch of neem leaves"- (ME)- a belief it will chase away evil spirits- Inwardly - NEEM is a v good antiseptic and anitBiotic to chase away virus/bacteria/ infections?!
    4.(U)""orthodox" neighbor - (ME) - these ppl wil nt chnge as these ppl wil rent homes only to their own ....so leav them...
    5."Speakers balre songs 24x7."- Atrocious., instead they can convey the msg to their closer relatives over a phone .. or even pay a visit wit a sweet box.
    6."Hitting puberty by itself is the most confusing phase" - age too is adolosence-- enna pannalam ?

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    1. Hi Anonymous- i don't get point 1:(
      2. Rest at the behest of everyone's ridicule and unwanted attention? Thats unnerving!
      2. Tell me the REASON, if you have ONE! Balcony- i really don't have any idea to date...
      3. True about antiseptic qualities of neem
      4. LOL! But in case if they too are tenants, then what???
      5. Like this. People fail to do this subtly.
      6. Yes...kuppura paduthu yosikkalam:P

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    2. 1.Haha.. i am myself a father of 2 gals .. so i gotta think a lot of womens welfare..in future society ..(atleast for my kids whn they grow as women).
      2.Reason a bit BIO-Magnetism.. the body continously looses energy for those period.Its science that Energy flows from a Higher level to Lower level .. so womn drain energy from neighbours.. thats why hindus sa y not to go near dead bodies(lower energy level)..Dogs( they continously loose energy)...and some subtle rituals.
      3. Pl send yur Important BLOGS to dinamani ppr..t heyy may find a place in the GUEST COLUMN/ Rgds

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    3. I don't think anyone is ridiculed in those days. The isolation is strictly enforced. But as pointed out earlier it should be viewed as rest days ... Infact those were the only days I was served everything in the place where I was ... Without having to move even my little finger ... I don't look at those days with so much distaste ....

      Any practice in any culture morphs over time ...

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    4. Anonymous,

      1. Well your concern for your girl children amazes me. True, selfish thoughts, then!
      2. Bio magnetism? Women drain energy from neighbors? Gosh! I never thought they were vampires;) Another new knot for a Shankar movie:P
      3. My BLOG is my platform to write. I can NEVER get this freedom when i write for newspapers.

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    5. Aparna, thanks for the visit and valuable input here:)Though i agree with the 'rest' view point, i find it rather unnerving when the men of the entire household know when you have your chums:(

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  4. Possibly stemming from hygienic point of view in good old days, the practice of this tradition not only has lost its relevance but is galling besides offending the dignity and privacy of women.I think these days it is not followed in urban places and should gradually die in villages too.The celebration of coming to puberty a very personal and private matter is again a matter to be discouraged.Women alone should take a hand in rejection of such outdated practices

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    1. Thanks for the positive comment, KP. Hygiene could have been the main reason, but the fact they re blindly being followed in modern times is disgusting. And regarding the celebrations, i do hope they would vanish soon:)

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  5. I went through a subtle form of "untouchabiity "as you call it when I was growing up- my mom would not allow me to touch people who had had a bath during those days when I was "impure". My mother during her days had to face a more virulent form of this seggregation as she was made to stay in a shed in the backyard. It used to be terribly scary during nights she says. But thankfully for her coming from a family of many sisters there was always company in the shed!! I loathe this system because I do not beleive in the purity / impurity issue of something that is perfectly normal. And neither is it to be celebrated like a wedding embarrassing the poor girl!

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    1. Meera! Thanks for the understanding and meaningful comment. It must have been scary for the poor girl ( your mom). I wish all women have your way of thinking that it is just a natural phenomenon!

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  6. These three days thing happen at my place too but is never considered as untouchability issue. The only place we are supposed to stay away is kitchen and temple and we can touch anything and everyone. This happens so that the girls in the family get some rest. Frankly speaking, I am totally okay with it as these three days are like mini vacation! I can wake up at watever time, be on bed the entire day or be at a friend's place! No one would question! This issue is not hyped at my place and is meant to provide rest to the girl.

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    1. CD, thanks for the honest comment from your heart. May be you view it as a vacation. I found my friend literally squirming in shame when there were male visitors to their home and she was secluded in a corner...But thankfully, it is not hyped in your place:)

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  7. It comes to my mind a phrase "jaundiced eye"- sort of looking at something in a prejudiced view, rather in a critical manner. Here it's just a matter of colour. Red instead of yellow. Another phrase in the making? "Menstrual eye"...? A concept of impure blood making a person impure. Otherwise there is no other scientific explanations what so ever for such speculations.

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Ajan. Welcome to my blog:)

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  8. wow! in this time and age??

    i know of some spiritual bodies that forbades women in their menses to come here them, until after the flow and purification process.

    coming off age party? ...like a debutante?

    thanks for this enlightenment.

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    1. Ibhade! Thanks for the comment, same story in Naija too?:( Coming off age party;) Yeah, i like the ring to it;) Yes, it happens here, not so much in urban areas, but in villages.

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  9. It is at best a severe discriminatory practice which is redundant in this scientific day and age. Unfortunately there exist 'elders' who still want this enforced in households without any rhyme or reason.

    A celebration fueled by loud disturbing music and pointless declaration of the coming of age of a teenager all over town by means of pasting posters and cut outs does not deserve to be called a celebration.

    Thankful that my mother and sister didn't have to go through all of this.

    Liked the perspective you put forth, more so the way you put it.

    Cheers :)

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Atrocious Siblings:) So glad for your mom and sister. Lucky them! Love the way you say about the 'celebration'. Do we need these so called 'elders' prodding us, even in these modern times?

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  10. That's really horrible! Luckily, I haven't personally experienced it. But, I remember one aunty who used to invite for a pooja and then ask if I had my periods, implying that if I had then I should not come. I have seen most women feel this is the norm for attending poojas or going to the temple. In my house, no one cares. It is really disturbing that literate and educated folks in the city are doing this. We are still bound by the shackles of orthodoxy and superstition.

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    1. Rachna...very true, everyone has experienced this, some form or the other. Though upholding sanctity of places of worship is said to be the reason behind forbidding women during periods, what about people with impure hearts? Temple- thieves are welcome, robbers welcome, politicos welcome, everyone welcome, EXCEPT women in periods. Funny! In that case, Christianity doesn't forbid women from entering the Church those three days, which i love so much about the religion!

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  11. Well written dear. We need to get rid of these age old practices. I once received an invite to attend such function, the card was no less than a wedding invitation and the function a reception without the groom!

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    1. LOL!!! Krupaa, these functions are akin to weddings minus the groom:P Thanks for the comment.

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  13. To be honest, there is no concept of untouchability at my place. In fact, there is no difference at all between those 3 days and the rest of the days. We can enter the kitchen, attend a function, sleep in our bedroom - the only restriction being we cannot enter the temple or pooja room. But this restriction imposed has no logic whatsoever. If you want to pray, you will pray anywhere, anyplace.

    Calling the whole village together to celebrate the coming of age is really unnerving. Thankfully, for me the function was a simple one with few family friends around. But whenever I see such posters around, I feel pretty bad for the girl, this custom has to be removed away.

    -Visha

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    1. Visha...thanks for the comment. Glad you escaped the 'sin' unscathed. I agree with you, there is no logic what soever in banning women from temples and places of worship. Also, people from rural areas need more awareness regarding these functions.

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  14. I have heard that earlier, the temples used to be situated high up on hills. And hence women during periods were suggested not to visit them, because of the menstrual pain they experience. Also, earlier the temples used to have huge hawan kunds, which used to produce too much of heat in the temple. Similarly for kitchen work, as chulhas were used. For these reasons, women during those days were 'suggested' and not banned from visiting the temples.

    Gradually, this turned out to be a norm, and imposed as a rule, stating as women are impure. The truth withered off, and was replaced by this myth. Don't know how much true this too holds.

    I have educated friends, who still believe in such myths, and follow them. On one hand they talk about women empowerment, and on second hand they follow such rituals. If suppose I'm going to one of my friend's house, while I have my periods, I'm given a separate stool to sit, and not allowed to touch anything! She herself sleeps separately when she is in her menses.

    I fail to make them understand. If "today's" women only refrain to use their minds, then how can we expect the elderly to change something they have been following since years!

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    1. Thank you so much for the well thought out comment, Anisha. I perfectly understand the logic behind banning women in earlier days. But it irks when we follow the same customs without reasoning out. It is really sad that educated and so called ' empowered' women are bound by such shackles. What is the use of education and knowledge we gain, then?

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  15. I have heard that earlier, the temples used to be situated high up on hills. And hence women during periods were suggested not to visit them, because of the menstrual pain they experience. Also, earlier the temples used to have huge hawan kunds, which used to produce too much of heat in the temple. Similarly for kitchen work, as chulhas were used. For these reasons, women during those days were 'suggested' and not banned from visiting the temples.

    Gradually, this turned out to be a norm, and imposed as a rule, stating as women are impure. The truth withered off, and was replaced by this myth. Don't know how much true this too holds.

    I have educated friends, who still believe in such myths, and follow them. On one hand they talk about women empowerment, and on second hand they follow such rituals. If suppose I'm going to one of my friend's house, while I have my periods, I'm given a separate stool to sit, and not allowed to touch anything! She herself sleeps separately when she is in her menses.

    I fail to make them understand. If "today's" women only refrain to use their minds, then how can we expect the elderly to change something they have been following since years!

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  16. PPl change such rules according to their convenience....my neighbour (a lady), who treated another lady as an "untouchable" - for "that reason" - by publicly hurting her by telling "Please don't give me anything touched by you"...again rang the victim's door bell and borrowed her scooty because she had to go somewhere...when she is not even prepared to touch even vessels used by this victim lady, how come she is ready to sit on the same scooty on which the victim too has sat!..strangely and in general, it is the women who hurt fellow women's feelings...

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    1. Anonymous, i can perfectly understand your anger. People bend such 'customs' to suit their fancies. This incident was very unfortunate, but i have seen a girl sprinkling water thrice on a chair on which poor me sat during periods and chanting a few mantras...lo and behold, the chair was pure for her to sit:P May be that neighbor had some Holy water handy to sprinkle on scooty;))) On a serious note, i agree 100%, it is the women who hurt the other women.

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  17. I have two daughters and both of them attained puberty when they were just about 12 years old and we have never practiced Untouchability at home. However we have explained to them the necessity of maintaining good hygiene during that time. I have seen such things being done while i was a boy in my grandmother's place when we used to visit for vacations from Delhi and during that time even my mother who used to rubbish such practice used to meekly follow the rules set by my grandma.
    Nice and a relevant post.

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    1. Engram, thanks for the comment. Lucky daughters you have! Hope they enjoy a hassle free stint in their homes. Though scientifically the idea of isolating women with periods may be due to hygiene, women these days are more hygienic and conscious of their health. Continuing the age old practice is sheer madness.

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  18. a serous topic,, even i didnt thought, one can write in a way on this..

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    1. Thank you so much for the comment, Ruchi.

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  19. We do observe the three days at my place. As CD says, it's not hyped like not touching one another or things like that. In fact, my family actually pampers me those three days :P I get to be the queen, I get everything served in my hands. But I agree, I have seen and heard of extreme cases too and should be shunned completely!

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    1. Arti:) You seem to enjoy the stint;) If that makes you happy, its fine. What i imply is, women should not be bound by such customs without their consent.

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  20. Genuine post and even our generation faced this. What i say is, we can ensure that we will not make this happen to our next generation. We can change these superstitions if we really want to. worshiping God and socializing in those days should be left to their own interest, shouldn't force anything.

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Ramya. So glad when you say : we will not make this happen to our next generation. Knowledge and power must ward off superstitions, not push us further in murky waters.

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  21. Awesomeness. You have touched upon all the very confusing, yet quite prevalent, practices centered around a woman's menstrual cycle. Women who cannot enter the temple, enter the kitchen, sit on the sofa. Why? Apparently, they are unclean. My Granny tells me that in her village, the practice was actually gentle. Girls were asked to stay away from the kitchen so they wouldn't need to cook or lift weights or do anything that would worsen their cramps. But over the years, people added and multiplied and it is such a sad state of affairs that even in educated, highbrow households, people continue to abide by these 'rules'. And the temple? To sound very cliched, who 'designed' a woman in the first place? Aren't we - and the way our bodies function - all part of God's genius?

    Anyhow, I am glad I have never been told to comply. Thank God for small mercies.

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    1. Wow! That is some comment. Thanks Deboshree. I love the way you bring 'God' into this. Yes, where we not designed by him, with an 'impurity'? Unless such myths are shattered by 'empowered' women, there can be no betterment of women. Glad you escaped:P

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  22. I experienced this in my in-laws place on the first month after my marriage. It wasn't as cruel as you've mentioned, but I was never used to that way. I would certainly refrain from going to Temple or pooja room (which till date I have no reason why people do, but the good girl that I am just follow the custom). At my MILs I experienced those 3 days as a kind of work free time and you a lot of "me time". You dont have to do washing, cleaning, or anything. You get everything at your place. I am not someone who can enjoy sitting in my bedroom for 3 days. So I would just go out or simply go back to my mum's place. The fact is, my MIL's place being near to a temple, I've seen everyone being too orthodox. And the worst thing I've faced is, if you sit at home for 3 days, the whole street knows about that! Yes - you read it right. It's far better at my MIL's place. And the charater you mentioned - i've seen a similar one who doesnt even want to see you when you pass them. They do give us a feel that we are some kind of shit. I hated that women forever! On the 4th day, she would come smilingly and ask sheepishly "Kulichittiya"!

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    1. Go back to your mom's place? What if your mom's place was 500 kms away? Poor you. Sad, such women abound so much these days:( I too hate that spooky question asked with an idiotic smile- "kulichittiya?"

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  23. Loved this post of yours Nivi...It is a compulsory read for many a Orthodox narrow minded people out there.
    I can recollect the bad phase I have faced during those days resulting in a number of fights and arguments with the elderly ones in the family..they act as if you have committed a sin
    This is kinda natural and I guess these are the days during which a girl needs a lot of support and care...owing to the severe stomach ache and other physical discomforts..
    Yeah there seems to be a science behind these rituals ..lyk visiting a temple on such days ,, they say it will reduce the positivity in the temple aura,,since woman on such days seems to be very much negative and depressed in thoughts..or women were not allowed to visit farms during old times ,,since hard farm work can worsen their condition...but still nothing has proved why these girls are called impure or unclean??!

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Madrasi. Of course, you are right when you say girls need care and support during those days. It is really hurtful when we are shunned then. I wonder how "women" can reduce "aura" of a temple. In that case all liars, thieves and et all should be banned from temples. Then i wonder none would visit any:P

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  24. If a woman is not allowd into a temple on those days, as a thumb rule, all the female Gods including Laxmi, Saraswathi, Kaali, meenaxi, Maariyamma need to be "evacuated" from the temple for selected(?) three days on alternate fortnite! Sorry folks, Just a question!

    Even I have heard that a few churches in South India never allow a lady entering into the alter and even nuns are not allowed to participate in bible reading at alter! Then why Mother Mary('s statue) is standing there? Strange?

    We ladies need to improve it! We need to implememnt the required changes in our house, yes, need to give awareness to our children! This may include identifying the difficulties of girls to the other gender, so that they can support them in washing / cooking or in miscellaneous routing activities. If every lady implement this in their house, next generation will have a higenic and comfortable month ends! At least, next generation will have a non-poluted life style, which will be free for both gender! Instead of taking this title for high level discussion, let us execute good practices in our own house! Why penning on others? Atleast their child will grow their children in a decent way on seeing the comfortability of your child!

    When we have switched over from Sari to Chudi to Jeans and throng, why can't we change this?

    Thank you CN for giving me a platform to express my views!

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    1. Well well well! Looks like someone is on a roll! Janaki, thanks for the comment. Great insight...do Christians too follow these? That is new to me! Hope we bring up a new generation free and happy without such silly customs:)

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  25. I totally agree with you, such functions should be banned.
    Only a few backward people practice such things as described you, in both rich and poor communities.

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    1. True, Rama. But it is more prevalent in rural areas. I wonder when these myths would be shattered. Long way to go:(

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  26. it is very terrible know that even today such a practice exists.you can check out this one too.
    http://heyithinkthisway.wordpress.com/2010/09/15/isnt-it-time-to-change/

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  27. I'm gone to tell my little brother, that he should also go to see this blog on regular basis to get updated from newest news.

    My homepage - Jeannie

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  28. This is really fraustating and a taboo for our society. Even the very so called educated and high class people in cities are following this and mainly women's are supporting or forcing it to their daughters or daughter in law. Even the girls are supporting it and they have accepted it . we will have to first educate women only. Girls are bound to sleep on floor and not allowed to touch anything. They can not go to kitchen and food is given to them in separate utensils. I had only heard of it but now after marriage am experiencing it and in those 3 days I feel like I have done some crime and am being punished by sitting idle and being untouchable. Don't know when people will understand that this is also a god's creation and universe will not run without it.

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    1. I am facing the same problem ...my cousin sister called me from US and she asked me to give mobile to my mom ...mom after finished speaking with my cousin ...she washed her hand ...because she has touched my mobile ...its really hurting me

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  29. Oh, I am only a teenager, but already I feel such hatred towards this practice! The three days of being separated and treated differently, even continuing as I am a minor in a house-horrible! And also-I had a function when I came of age and I feel quite lucky it wasn't an entire village and was carried out here in the US with ony people I know. Yet I am very shy and this in itself was too much! There is no longer a need for celebration-I am not being scrutinized to see if I'm suitable for marriage, am I? A nice article.

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    1. Dear Anonymous...thanks for the comment. I can relate to your anguish. That this practice is rampant even during these modern days makes us wonder if we still belong to the Stone Ages!

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