Now, this is one very intriguing topic that i have been itching to write! When one of my friends suggested i read a book 3's A Crowd by Dr Vijay Nagaswami, all i could was keep recounting the number of instances i had noted marriages on the rocks, literally, quite a few! Here is one serious..ahem... analysis of why things go haywire in a marriage.
1. Mismatch error
Noticed this error in the marriage of a very close friend of mine. This male was married to a prim and proper lady of the same caste and religion, as it happens with every other Indian wedding. The main problem was in the fact that the guy was an undergraduate with many, many businesses managed on his own plus a cushion government job, whereas the lady in question was a high school drop out. Not a bad equation, i agree.
All things went well till the wedding to the next morning, when the groom went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He had the shock of his life when his lady love was brushing, alright, brush in her right hand and tooth paste spread all over her left hand, probably a habit from her tooth powder days!!! And the shocker continued when she swept and washed with soap water their brand new television with a broom. That was when the man freaked out!!! Will it be wrong if he/she both move astray in a marriage that holds nothing that they both can talk on? Imagine how you would have to spend every night, unable to explain the nature of your work, the challenges in your job and your simple everyday things to your better- half...
2. I wouldn't give two hoots
This attitude develops much later, people, beware! A husband who is constantly away and a wife who is left at home picking up the bits and pieces of a relationship, just doesn't care. When a prized possession is lost, one would fib and suffer. What if someone steals away a piece of pain in the butt? They wouldn't care! I know of someone who is thankful to the secretary so much for taking away her husband's much valuable time. " Who has the time or energy to listen to his baubles?", she reasons out. She is happily busy- shopping, attending parties and visiting salons. Of course, husband's credit cards are handy!
3. Seven year Itch!
This ladies and gentlemen- is serious trouble! Either of the partners get bored seeing the same person day after day after day or bedding them night after night after night. So, just to 'spice up' their lives, why not get a third person to make things better- no, this is not a three-some, you dirty brains! Those who have the balls, can have the gals! Strangely, it is not men alone who stray. More and more women are lured by guileless men. I know, all those machismos would be now gunning for me;)
It is real fun watching a middle aged woman sexting messages to the third man, deleting it and giggling like a hormone driven teenager. Sad, i was privy to this lady in my office. She watches out for her men, i wonder how she adjusts the IN and OUT card for both the men, how she manages to arrive in office with one and exit with the other;) And it is very romantic to watch the 'lovebirds' exchanging furtive touches in waiting halls. May be the thrill and pure adrenaline and overacting libido leads people in marriage, to cheat. All i can wonder is how they react to the 'mornings after'- like " Hey, did i sleep with X or Y?" Should i take the morning after pill or not?
4. Plural of spouse= spice!
Somewhere down the line, the spice of life just withers away...Hold on, if i were to ask you when was the last time you had mind boggling
sex moments with your wife/ husband, half the crowd would be looking up at the calender scratching the errr...heads! Whacky, kinky and wild is not something we associate with our life partners. Is that reserved for dark, brooding strangers? Then our relationship is in trouble. Playing fidelity fiddles without proper sex between partners is incorrigible.
So, how do we ease out the crowd in a marriage?
One- Before wedding, see the girl once;) ( You could run away,looking at the beauty, even the day before the wedding!)
Two- Do not live in boring marriages, just get rid of it. Do yourselves both the favor!
Three- If it really itches, scratch the right person, your true partner;) Want some spice, you can even imagine the person lying next to you better than Arnold Schwarzenegger...No, not all brawny, but he atleast is not interested in the maid:P
Four- I wish you would mark your bedroom walls with your score every month. Hope the wall paint is washable!!!
p.s.: Dr Vijay Nagaswami, please reduce your fee of Rs 3000 per sitting. I can offer free advise on same issues;)
p.p.s: Denying sex to spouse on first night is reason enough for annulment of marriage, says the Supreme Court. Beware!
p.p.p.s: This post is dedicated to my dear friend who suggested i read- 3 is a crowd. No thanks, bud! I hate crowd!
Wondering whether u wrote this the morning after a night duty? Why so many errrrors.ReplyDelete
1- para one: 'MY very close friend of MINE'?
2- same para: 'many businesses managed on his WON'??
3- second para under sl 3: 'exit with THE ANOTHER'
I can't tolerate these in your writings. Mind it.
Whoa! That is some comment. Thanks a ton dear Vjn. Hope i have corrected all the errors. How did you find out, it was in the morning after night duty??? Now that is very BRAINY!Delete
a whopping laughter! oh! cloud 9!ReplyDelete
talks of marriage is on every blog, including mine...then Myne's....it all began from the story of a woman who was maltreated by her husband and in-laws and later died..her name is ogo. Visit linda's blog or Nairaland...titled A STORY FROM MY GRAVE..so touching.
I talked about the bitter truths why many women do not want to leave a loveless, abusive marriage, while Myne talked about divorce an option...and now, you are saying something along the line, which is just awesome!
Marriage! marriage! marriage! when one is not married, they long for it, when one is married, they long to get out! Oh! what an irony / prodigy!
Well, i have come to realize that if it works for you, good and well,enjoy it. if it does not work for you, no biggie! life continues. Every one to it's own.
Now, from your write-up, it looks as if you didn't enjoy the book qui?...#grinning#
Hey Ibhade...thanks for that sweet comment. Yet to read Myne's blog post on marriages. She seems to write a lot about relationship complications. That divorce is an option post was intriguing. And LOL when you say " when one is not married they long for it, once they are married they long to get out of it"!!! You found out about the book:P I don't say the book is bad, whqt is bad is the author- a so called marriage counsellor is minting money with the leverage from his book. Business, you see;)Delete
This was both fun and shocking to read!! It's so painful to know how common extra marital affairs are becoming these days!ReplyDelete
I'm yet to read this book of Vijay Nagaswami..though i must say his other books 24*7 for beginners and 50-50 marriage were decent enough to give hints to explore ways of tackling ur marriage. But even these books and counsellors can help only those ppl who are willing to work on their marriage and keep it alive, but not for the one's who knowingly dig their own ditch!
p.s: Guess his fee was only Rs.1000 a couple of years ago..this is way too highhhhhhhh :P
Arthi:))) Thank you so much for the valuable feedback. Extra marital affairs come to light a lot these days, as more and more partners just shrug off the issue. If it is a "once" issue, it is totally ignored. That is what irritates me more. I have had brief glimpses of Vijay Nagaswami's earlier works and this one too. But charging a whopping 3000 bucks for a sitting is awful. It was 1000 bucks a couple of years ago, calculate the inflation now;)Delete
1.MISMATCH - mismtches happen to occur.if Both hav same tastes;; thn life wil b stale.It s alwys ppl of opp Traits..who mke a better combination.Delete
2.not care a Hoot Easyway of parting any reln .(willingly or un-willingly.
3.7 yr itch - may b a testin phase of any relation.
4.SPICE : so u mean there shud b spice in every aspect of life to make it intersting..
5.how do we ease out the crowd in a marriage?(Off the record )..
6. why the area was "intriguing topic"?
Anonymous...thanks for the comment.Delete
1. Sorry mismatches in marriage are a disaster. Opposite types is good, i am talking about MISMATCH. Both are different;)
3. I don't think so, it happens only when the couple are too bored with each other
4. DEFINITELY YES;)
5. Off the record, keep your engines fired often;)
6. Mostly because of the affairs i am getting to see often these days!
This is a superb post...What an analysis!!!
Visha! Thank you so much for the comment. Hope spice keeps you both ticking;)Delete
Love the girls expression in the pic...ReplyDelete
Thankfully I have the right spicy ingredients.... Great tips.
Alka, thanks for the comment. Yes, a bittersweet expression in the chubby little face:) Thank Heavens you have your life spuced up;) Have fun!Delete
hahaha.....I found this err....funny :D I mean you wrote in that way!ReplyDelete
And the story about 'mismatch error', Is it true ?!?
Extra marital affairs have actually increased a lot!
Special 'hahahaha' to all your p.s's :D
CD! Thanks for the laughs and comment;) Mismatch error is true. Poor chap, he is living his life, bored to death:P Next time, extra care about p.s.;)Delete
Good n useful post...ReplyDelete
Thanks Kala! Hope it is of some use to you:)Delete
Thanks for us lovely comment n following me will surely follow u back,one n check back ofenDelete
special applause for u had handled a topc whic is like walkin on rope and diff to balance. u did it.rgdReplyDelete
Hey Anonymous, thank you so much for the feedback. Glad you feel that i did justice to the topic:)Delete
I have read the book and actually quite liked it because of the myths it shatters. Due to his experience, I think the psychiatrist has seen all kinds of murky dealings. It is a good read if one reads it casually. Your take on it is funny too.ReplyDelete
Well..may be your take, Rachna. When a patient trusts a psychiatrist and reveals his murky side, what does Hippocrate's Oath say on confidentiality? A book on patients' stories? Atrocious! Thanks for the comment, Rachna!Delete
Well, I am sure he is not going to violate someone's identity and privacy. That is definitely expected from him as a doctor. We all talk from our experiences that involve other people, don't we? There will be no writing if people did not cull from their personal experiences. But, we must exercise the discretion to hide identities and modify situations. I am not defending the man, but I've read many such books on relationships and find numerous examples from real life mostly quoted to help explain the situations. I think, you need to see this in that perspective.Delete
Three is surely crowd and what an entertaining post. I am now worried about 7 year hitch in my marriage...ReplyDelete
Thanks a bunch, dear Saru. Don't you worry, follow what is said in the post, make life spicy;)Delete
And seriously, that supreme court ruling is quite controversial.ReplyDelete
Exactly right, Zeba. Is it not ridiculous? On serious note, it does happen in many marriages. Denial of sex must be taken as a ground for cruelty in marriage...Delete
Lol...I loved this postReplyDelete
Thanks for the comment, Dayor!Delete
I'm going to show this post to my BF...:P He's all starry-eyed & believes "love shall solve everything"...not that I don't agree but people should know a problem when they see one & not just keep thinking selfless dedication & silent suffering shall solve everything!ReplyDelete
Rinaya!!! Welcome back, baby! Please let your BF read the post. "Love shall not solve anything", it just complicates things;) We girls know that better, don't we? Selfless dedication and silent suffering can lead only to bitter break ups:( So, spruce up your love life and get back on tracks!Delete
hehe..me wondering whom to show the post to??!ReplyDelete
too early information for me..!
yeah Indeed extra martial affairs are a reason of many a marriage failures! marriage has almost lost its significance and meanings that it once had in our indian culture..divorce seems to be casual and daily issue1
LOL! Madrasi! Thanks for the comment...you needn't show this to anyone now. Just save it in your mind and use it when necessary:PDelete
This post was really hilarious but sadly true! Seriously does Dr. Nagaswami charge Rs 3000 per sitting? I think there is serious money then to be made in advising on topics like this given the number of marriages that are reaching breaking point these days!ReplyDelete
Meera! Thanks a ton for the comment. Yes, i heard from my friend hands on that he had charged 2000 bucks for a sitting. Serious money? Aye! Better, we can hang up the pens and take the steths;)Delete
OMG..U really are ABSOLUTELY funny...I am ROTFL now..I LOve the PS,PPS,PPPS parts better than even the body sometimes in all ur blogs..BRILLIANT!!ReplyDelete
Thank u so much dear Harishankar. Welcome to Cloudnine!Delete