Saturday, 2 July 2011

To let- or not to let?

Every person alive would be dreaming of his house- own house. Whether it is a pint sized shack or a sprawling regal mansion, dreams of a house continue to enthrall us. Building a house is worse than marrying the one you love- so many obstacles come your way, nurturing you as a steeple chase champion! Ask any one who has built a house just now- tch tch...the narration would be of trials, tribulations and tortures by builder, architect, plumber, mason, electrician, entire army of tyrants! And when the house is a little spacious, that inner being will act smart, asking you, pestering you, taunting you- You have a big house man, now why not rent it out? And your friends ( read foes) who arrive for your house warming ( they would have secretly wished it to be a house burning ceremony!) advise you on minting money with the newly built house.

Madamji who already looks down at you as an useless piece of furniture sniffs her nose and wets her eyes with her saree pallu, telling some distant bloated relative- I know, i know...he is not that smart...if he were smart, he would have built this house ages ago! Arey madamji, if you were that smart, would you have married her in the first place? That bloated woman relative has stuffed a whole chicken and done her job well. Madamji turns to the opposite side of the bed and refuses to even look at you! Your first day( night!) in the new house is ruined thanks to that aunty! You love to stand for hours at all vantage points and admire the house- your new love! Madamji continues her Bed Satyagraha until you relent one fine night, in letting your house's first floor for rent.

Madamji promptly supervises putting up the TO LET board and then arrive the steady stream of visitors. You can see wide variety of them- madamji rejects every possible decent tenant you like. It is madamji's appun ka choice, you know! After much deliberations, altercations and harrowing fights, you agree to let it out to Madamji's approved tenant- the man with no job! The entire family looks like having come running from the psychiatry ward, they behave like zombies. They invite you for their house warming function, nevertheless. And you indeed go there and watch the fumes of Ganapathy Homam engulf your living room. The tenant's pet doggie scratches the wooden door as it likes. Controlling your ire, you walk out to office in foul mood. Madamji doesn't help it at all, when she calls you up promptly at lunch time and shrieks out in a shrill voice- "They are driving nails into the wall". Your curd rice comes back to your mouth and you gulp it down with anger.

The brrrrrrrrr and grrrrrrrrr of the drill greets you when you arrive home.The zombie tenant is in no idea of resting the drill, it seems. You try to reason out with him and say- no more nails. Bugger is unmoved. You return home as usual as furniture, incurring the wrath of Madamji. Tenant one finally gives up drilling and the next time when you see his living room, it looks like a photo studio! Finally the zombies decide to vacate the house after a year and the moment you set foot after they move out- you faint! The kitchen has never been cleaned ever! An army of roaches and mice greet you and the oil layer on the kitchen top takes a week to clean up! Sick to the stomach, you give up cleaning on your own and call up help. Your Saviours clean the mess, repaint the first floor, change the door and charge you the entire rent that bugger might have given you. Next comes the Mr Scratcher. He makes a point to scratch your car every time he parks his two wheeler in the portico. When he moves out, you decide to let out only to single women. And enjoy(!) the feeling of used Carefree dumped in your backyard!!!

Argh! Now you really are fed up and decide to have some decent bachelor guys. So decent, the rogues always forget there is a front gate to the house. Climbing the gate and pipes seem very funny to those apes. And the trash they throw up ( literally!) includes Johnny walker who walks all the night and Napolean who is always at war with you! Ah! There ends your thin patience. No more tenants, Madamji pleads you. Finally you decide- Not to let. Don't let out your house, let you Rest in Peace! And every time i see a TO LET board on a brand new house, i send my silent Prayers to the Heavens Above!!!


  1. LOL!!! You have put it so nicely particularly about the tennts from the psychiatric ward..But seriously there are problems from both sides -land lord and tenant and it depends on which side we are on. Good post!

  2. hmmm....I like this line alot:

    Building a house is worse than marrying the one you love

    Nice Post !

  3. When I let out mine,I fix nails at several places in the walls in each room but you can do little even then to restrain the photo studio tenants.Let alone the cockroaches and lizards, you need cartons of acid bottles to clean the sink, washbasins and toilets once they vacate.Makes one wonder how they live in such filth.
    We have also landlords who will not fill the overhead tank more than once daily even if the entire family is on a bout of diarrhea.
    As Meera wisely put it,all depends on which side you are on.
    Nivedita, you and your humour cannot be separated.Brilliant.

  4. Besides this, collecting rent is not an easy task, except for the first few months!

    Finally, getting them out.....? you can build another house, against the money you have spent on vacating them!

    Getting a good tenant is something like getting a good wife! he he he...

  5. hahaha I can relate a lot with this...I remember when we had to rent out our house as we moved into another city...its a total pain to visit your house while occupied by your get on the verge of beating them up for mishandling your once beloved home..this was the same conclusion that we reached at..its best not to rent out your house, but if you have to under some circumstances...dont visit there often..let some one do the job for helps!

  6. Dear Meera, thanks for your comment. It is always better to decide which is the better side;) So, i stick to the tenants side...LOL!!!

    Dear Thinking, thanks a lot for your comment dear. What is said on love and house rings true???

  7. Dear KParthasarathy, thanks for e comment, you understand so well the trouble in letting out ( may be, past experiences?)And thanks, yes, i love to always embrace Mr Humor!

  8. Dear Janaki, thanks for the comment. Getting a good tenant is like getting a good wife?LOL at this comment. Hope your house owner aka Husband got a good tenant aka YOU:P

  9. Dear Mishi...thanks for the understanding! You know how it is to visit a rented out house- totally horrible!

  10. Tenant Issues are never ending and so are their variations. Its tough to find a good landlord and equally tough to find a good tenant! Great post CN, very hilarious!

  11. I feel both roles are not attractive to play, for both have their faults. I think the best option is somehow own a big or a small house (doesn't really matter here) but make it a point to live happily there ever after.

  12. 1.if u get a chnce watch "PACIFIC HEIGHTS" an AMER movie, whic spks of a A house hold getting screwed up by their tenant.
    2.Do u have any unpleasant experiences wit such H/warming ceremony/ies ... such tat those unpleasant moments had burst in anger to a BLOG
    3.And reg accomadating bachelores .. pl change ur view.. except for J/W, KF , and ITC giving room to a bachelor is always safe as they use room to a minimum,stay for min -time, and r ready to depart .. whic u cnt expect frm a family man.


  13. Thanks for the comment dear Arti. The tenant house owner tussle will probably continue till End of Days!

    Thanks for the comment dear Rama. Yes, it is true- it would be better to love in a tiny rat hole you own than a palace rented out!

  14. Dear Anonymous, shall try to watch the movie. Very true reg that house warming comment:P
    And as regards to bachelors, the distance you keep away from them is directly proportional to your peace of mind;)

  15. Captured in words so accurately and with a real dose of humor! Of course, one needs to gather all wits around oneself to be able to sail through something like this!

  16. So do perfect tenants exist only in our imagination :p

    And you must really hate Madamjee!

  17. Aaaah, there is nothing like having one's own house o and living far from tenants. That is perfect peace of mind.

    First time here and following. Please, check out my blog at

  18. lolol...oh sister! tell me something i dunno oo! Building a house needs special prayers for protection from liars & thieves!...gosh! as for the tenants??....ooooooooooooooo! don't let me get started! *phew*... hahaha

  19. Dear Swapna, thanks for the comment and visit after a break! Yes, you need lots of guts to sail through this!

    Dear Purba...thanks a lot for the comment. And you are right, i despise Madamji:P

  20. Dear Ibhade, thanks for the comment. LOL on thieves and tenants, i don't see any difference between the two;)

  21. Lol, nice post!

    Madamjee sounds interesting:P Do come up with more on her..

    And yes, tenants are a real pain in the wrong place -> experience speaks.


  22. Oh i do know!!!!!
    Our new house was almost ruined by tenants!We had to reconstruct the entire house again!

    Good post! as always! :D

  23. Dear Priyanka, thanks a lot for the nice comment and welcome to my blog:)

    Dear Redhanded, thanks dudette! Awww, tough luck, you too had rented out the house:(


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