Monday, 2 April 2012

The Untouchable Women!

Untouchability is a sin. Untouchability is a crime. Untouchability is something that you and i live with, every day. Sorry, we are not living in the caves, nor are we neolithic men and women. We don't even drape leaves and animal skins, but we hold our own women and girls untouchables. Strange, strange...very strange. Ostracizing our own flesh and blood in our own homes, our own sisters and mothers whom we conveniently ignore when they suffer in stoic silence. 

Confusing, is it? Conservative households in cities and villages alike boast of women who spend three days every month alone and aloof. Shunned from entering the Pooja room, spending nights in the most unlikeliest of places- do we ever notice? I had a friend who used to sleep on an empty rice sack in the balcony of their first floor flat, be it rain or shine. And surprisingly she had company- her torn bata shoe and a pounding stick! 

There are little girls who are forbidden to enter kitchens, touch flowers and plants, lest they wilt. Girls are not permitted to touch grain sacks, not permitted to touch tamarind, rice, salt and for that case anything in the kitchen. Funny, they had to carry a bunch of neem leaves wherever they went. And another friend of mine was afraid to look at birds in an empty stomach during those days! Reason- unknown! Even food was not supposed to be left over, the dogs were not supposed to eat that leftovers which gave stomach pain to the girl...seriously? Rolling eyes***( In that case, the dogs would die on the spot, tasting the home made curry!) 

Those happened once upon a time, you could say. No sirs, it happens event today in most households. Only, the untouchability is subtle and snide. The supposedly high and mighty in the class- caste ladders who live only for the upliftment of age-old rituals and traditions, refuse to let women lead lives 'normal' those three days. One of my friend from another religion returned dumbstruck from her neighbor's home scurrying with tears. She was shunted out by her "orthodox" neighbor who had forbidden her from visiting her when she was "suffering" from those three days! What a nerve! Same incident was repeated yesterday when the wife of another friend had been to visit her neighbor. She too was shunted out citing the same reason. This time, the "orthodox" type got her lesson of a lifetime- a sermon on untouchability and discrimination. 

Do they learn their lessons? No. One must visit these advocates' houses who profess 'purest' form of their religion to know how 'pure' they are! A woman's mestrual cycle has nothing to do with religion and God, is what i personally feel. Whom they choose to meet and whom they don't choose to see on those days too is their own whim and fancy. But seriously, would you mind 'seeing' one such neighbor? Definitely, no. When a section of women are gunning for the moon, there are others who spend three days in the balconies and dark crevices of their dwellings. Paradox!
Posters announcing the funcion
If this is the case among the very 'literate' and 'modern' families, their counterparts in villages fare no further, celebrating "manjal neerattu vizha" with full fervor. It is a grand gala festival where posters with the shy and timid bejweled, eleven or twelve year old posing in difefrent attires adorning every nook and corner of the village. Speakers balre songs 24x7. It is eleven or thirteen days of fun and frolic for the relatives, who eat and eat and eat. For those poor souls who don'gt get an idea of this function, kindly view the video link below, depicting the function. 



Probably the goats and hens of the entire village would be breaking in sweat hearing a girl's coming of age! In the past, these functions were held as an advertisement to announce the availability of a girl in the wedding market. That was when girls attained puberty at the age of sixteen or seventeen and they were married off soon. But these days? The practice continues in rural areas. Imagine the plight of the little one who has to face the entire village everyday, later...Does this not amount to cruelty? Celebrating these in the confines of ones' home is one's private matter. But when it becomes a public function, it is ridiculous. It hurts and scars a girl- permanently. Hitting puberty by itself is the most confusing phase of a girl's life. Should we complicate it further? And the periods of a woman can be an emotional roller coaster for her. Why ostracize her and discriminate her? 

Monday, 26 March 2012

3's a crowd;)

Now, this is one very intriguing topic that i have been itching to write! When one of my friends suggested i read a book 3's A Crowd by Dr Vijay Nagaswami, all i could was keep recounting the number of instances i had noted marriages on the rocks, literally, quite a few! Here is one serious..ahem... analysis of why things go haywire in a marriage.

1. Mismatch error
Noticed this error in the marriage of a very close friend of mine. This male was married to a prim and proper lady of the same caste and religion, as it happens with every other Indian wedding. The main problem was in the fact that the guy was an undergraduate with many, many businesses managed on his own plus a cushion government job, whereas the lady in question was a high school drop out. Not a bad equation, i agree. 

All things went well till the wedding to the next morning, when the groom went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He had the shock of his life when his lady love was brushing, alright, brush in her right hand and tooth paste spread all over her left hand, probably a habit from her tooth powder days!!! And the shocker continued when she swept and washed with soap water their brand new television with a broom. That was when the man freaked out!!! Will it be wrong if he/she both move astray in a marriage that holds nothing that they both can talk on? Imagine how you would have to spend every night, unable to explain the nature of your work, the challenges in your job and your simple everyday things to your better- half...

2. I wouldn't give two hoots
This attitude develops much later, people, beware! A husband who is constantly away and a wife who is left at home picking up the bits and pieces of a relationship, just doesn't care. When a prized possession is lost, one would fib and suffer. What if someone steals away a piece of pain in the butt? They wouldn't care! I know of someone who is thankful to the secretary so much for taking away her husband's much valuable time. " Who has the time or energy to listen to his baubles?", she reasons out. She is happily busy- shopping, attending parties and visiting salons. Of course, husband's credit cards are handy! 

3. Seven year Itch!
This ladies and gentlemen- is serious trouble! Either of the partners get bored seeing the same person day after day after day or bedding them night after night after night. So, just to 'spice up' their lives, why not get a third person to make things better- no, this is not a three-some, you dirty brains! Those who have the balls, can have the gals! Strangely, it is not men alone who stray. More and more women are lured by guileless men. I know, all those machismos would be now gunning for me;)
It is real fun watching a middle aged woman sexting messages to the third man, deleting it and giggling like a hormone driven teenager. Sad, i was privy to this lady in my office. She watches out for her men, i wonder how she adjusts the IN and OUT card for both the men, how she manages to arrive in office with one and exit with the other;) And it is very romantic to watch the 'lovebirds' exchanging furtive touches in waiting halls. May be the thrill and pure adrenaline and overacting libido leads people in marriage, to cheat. All i can wonder is how they react to the 'mornings after'- like " Hey, did i sleep with X or Y?" Should i take the morning after pill or not? 
4. Plural of spouse= spice!
Somewhere down the line, the spice of life just withers away...Hold on, if i were to ask you when was the last time you had mind boggling sex moments with your wife/ husband, half the crowd would be looking up at the calender scratching the errr...heads! Whacky, kinky and wild is not something we associate with our life partners. Is that reserved for dark, brooding strangers? Then our relationship is in trouble. Playing fidelity fiddles without proper sex between partners is incorrigible.

So, how do we ease out the crowd in a marriage? 
One- Before wedding, see the girl once;) ( You could run away,looking at the beauty, even the day before the wedding!)
Two- Do not live in boring marriages, just get rid of it. Do yourselves both the favor!
Three- If it really itches, scratch the right person, your true partner;) Want some spice, you can even imagine the person lying next to you better than Arnold Schwarzenegger...No, not all brawny, but he atleast is not interested in the maid:P
Four- I wish you would mark your bedroom walls with your score every month. Hope the wall paint is washable!!!

p.s.: Dr Vijay Nagaswami, please reduce your fee of Rs 3000 per sitting. I can offer free advise on same issues;)
p.p.s: Denying sex to spouse on first night is reason enough for annulment of marriage, says the Supreme Court. Beware!
p.p.p.s: This post is dedicated to my dear friend who suggested i read- 3 is a crowd. No thanks, bud! I hate crowd!