Saturday, 13 February 2016

Dear hormones...

One more Valentine’s Day is round the corner. Roses and cards, gifts and chocolates abound in every mall. On the other side, the multi-various Senas  are scratching their tails thinking of plans to foil it. My perception of Valentine’s Day has undergone a ‘sea’ change from roses and candles to soiled diapers and exams. When you are all of 16 and sport a Lady Di cut with flared nostrils the size of a proboscis monkey, no one would dare mess up with you on a Valentine’s Day. Despite the ‘boyish’ charm, there was this guy who was persistent in his efforts to make my brain produce more estrogen. Alas, the guy failed miserably as I seriously lacked the grey matter. If you would ask me now, dear X, I would give you lessons on Fifty Shades of Grey!

Having never had the opportunity to put my foot in a college, I joined Railways when I was 18 years old. Life in a distant city, a ladies hostel brimming with trouble mongers and imagine a Valentine’s Day in their midst. The girls would buy special dresses for the occasion, even Kolhapuris to go with their cotton salwars as I would watch all starry-eyed and moon over their flowers and chocolates, slurping my parattas and licking my curd in the hostel dining room. Damn the hormones. They just missed me by a mile ;)

Few more years of hostelling and I started finding the V Day enlightening. If you sit along the hostel side walk and keep counting at the girls being dropped by the guys after a romantic dinner, you find it an infinite number. You attain Nirvana when even then, not a drop of oxytocin is secreted in your brain. Equally rejuvenating was the fact that I made better friendships (yes, you would say that to any relationship with guys twice my age:P) and grimaced at the itch generated by the ‘romance queens’.

I kept dreaming of a great Valentine’s Day once I got married. Married to a no nonsense man who treats romance very practically, cutting out the crap, the ‘honey moon sundae’ was lodged between my palate and throat. Every day was romantic, be it the sweet nothings we spoke for hours together or the fights we had breaking glass table tops. Life was anything but dull. As for the hormones, they went on an overdrive, I was bubbling with love and romance for the first year of wedded bliss. Pause.

That was only before the little devil number one came along.  He brought with him fragrance of soiled diapers and gooey vomit that I forgot the fragrance of roses or the taste of chocolates. But I fell in love with the chubby cheeks and softer skin, the miniature version of the husband looked far too attractive. We had dinner dates together, Junior spitting all the goo on me and pooping at the right moment when I looked besotted with him. Then came devil number two and I fell in love the instant I saw her. Cerelac and bonnisan dinners were paired with spray painting missions of the house, we both rocked the world, literally.

         The hormones were now confused and planning a strategy to get through my thick skull. Hit her at her weakest moment, they said to themselves. That moment never came. Every time Cupid aimed at me with his arrow, ding said the washing machine or the kids started a kick boxing match for which I had to be the referee. It was a burnt curry once or the submission dates for the husband, the next time. Cupid must have sensed that every moment is the opportune moment, then.

When love is in the air, each day is Valentine’s Day. Be it a crowded train or a busy road, our minds always stay connected. Be it thousands of miles apart or inches near, we always feel in love. L loves showering me with gifts- chocolates, phones, bags and perfumes. A doting husband does that every other day and Cupid realized we are too busy to check even the arrows that hit our foreheads bang on.

Love is not about candle lit dinners and roses. It is about raising the children together, growing old together and still paying the bills on time ;) It is about the ultimate sacrifice you make for the institution called family. So till then, if you ask what my gift is for this Valentine’s Day, I ordered myself a Nuapet Ikat saree online and received it just now. From me, to me :P Dear hormones, if you are still lurking there somewhere, bring that Cupid fellow to me. I must ask him if he has paid all his bills for this month on time and if he loves his baby’s potty time ;)

 p.s.: Loving Valentine's Day wishes to everyone!


  1. A fab piece! The words just stick like a garland!

    But all said and done, Love is a feeling which no other can give... It is so surreal. The closest one can get is perhaps through drugs, if it true with what all they say about the kick. But with love, you are half conscious, at the least!

    1. Thanks for the comment, Pradeeep! Don't you think what they say about drugs is true? :P

  2. Tell me first how you write so well with humor and wit bristling in every line.Nothing affected,it is so natural and inherent in your writing.
    Valentine's day is a new concoction.Love is there all the time and manifests in different forms.People have tended to straight-jacket it with some repetitive things that there is no surprise element.
    The first two lines in the last para is so true.

    1. KP! Thanks a bunch. I write because I am destined to and I really don't know what else I can do best :P


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