Saturday, 14 February 2015

Non-judgementally yours!

One harsh post ahead. If you are a misogynist, chauvinist, ego-dystonic, domineering tyrant male of the Homo Sapiens species- warning, please DO NOT read ahead, get back to your cricket, couch and potato chips. Others...have you ever wondered how a man looks at a woman?

It is reverence when he looks lovingly at his adorable mother. "Aakir woh maa hai". He waits for the word from her mouth. Every twist in her lips brings out the Hercules in him. His eyes await her  finger snap to enter alert mode. He stands wishing he could hide behind her Pallu when she adoringly pats his head and says..."mera beta bahut seedha sadha hai" to the in-laws.  He can brush only when maa is nearby, he has  free potty time only when maa cooks to his taste and he can sleep only when he sets his eyes on his mom crying over her favorite soap. Comma. 

Enter the wife. The moment he sets eyes on his wife, he is smitten. " Arrey...maa ko daalo chulha mein". From the day he is married (finished, legally and technically), he has eyes only for the Missus. With huge puppy eyes, he watches her go from 40 to 80 kgs in a single year. It is with the same devotion and determination he watches his toddler pampered by the lioness. His eyes feast on all of the 80 kilos, she is his property, after all- signed, sealed and delivered.

So far, so good. Now comes the hardest part. How does he view the average woman next door? The girl at the super market's counter? The lady who whizzes past him in her bike? His colleague who rushes into the office holding her hand bag and lunch bag like a born weight lifter? At the woman next to him at the lift who is huffing and puffing, chewing her lip..?*Stop your dirty thoughts* She is late to work and is probably contemplating which grandmother she has to kill today for her late attendance.

The idea about a woman who is neither his maa nor his wife is spoon fed to the Indian male mind as someone from the tinsel town or magazine covers. Man, he looks first for the *sparks*! Every female other than maa and the missus must be 'ready to be judged'. And the sparks indeed fly- you need a  weighing scale and a 'fairness' meter for that. If a woman is reed thin, has the skin that is anywhere between 8 and 10 on the fairness meter and has the brains of a hare, she is drool-worthy...Add to this a voice that gives jitters to Latha Ji. The combination is lethal. Oh yeah baby! Covet her! Lust her!

Did I tell you how he looks at a saree- clad woman? She has to be ahem...proportionate. A look- alike of Kareena in her Chammak Chalo number gyrating would be like an oasis to a thirsty man. His eyes size up, judge and pass snide remarks to his otherwise loving heart. Genuinely he feels, God has created every woman for him to be judged. And boy he loves them when they are dumb and knuckle heads. The fairer the lady is, the 'innocent' she is. The venom in her would actually put a thousand black mambas to instant death. Poor fellow, he never knows, as he never gets past the shell. The leaner a woman is, the 'likeability' factor shoots through the stars. Fat women are gross. God, why can't they exercise, diet and be more 'presentable'? 

Dear Mr. Judge, have you ever seen beyond the facade? Have you ever actually noted your colleague's intelligence? Have you ever spent a few minutes wondering how every woman you come across is a successful mother, a loved sister, a doting wife, a true friend to someone? 

Every woman's life is filled with dreams, ranging from a holiday to a successful shopping trip...from a clean kitchen to a correct fit dress, from a successful business venture to a blockbuster book on self esteem. All she needs is a look of admiration from the people around her. To be acknowledged as a human being and a friend, rather than being judged on her skin, tresses and physique. Share the love with such unknown women who we see on the road everyday, who we meet everyday in our life. What better would a message be, than spreading love and affection among the unknown, unsung and the unnoticed? Love everyone, judge none. Happy Valentine's Day, folks!

p.s.: This is a fitting reply to that 'friend' of mine who asked why I couldn't be like my friends...lean and fit. Face-palm yourself mate!
p.p.s.: From the chaaiwallah to the Kejriwall'aaah'...Delhi has once again proved its might. Kudos!
p.p.p.s.: Patting myself for the regular posts. Someone get me a plate of carrot halwa dripping with ghee...would love a few more pounds on me ;)


  1. "The fairer the lady is, the 'innocent' she is" Such a stereotyping is widely prevalent like considering a man with gift of gab smart,a lady with a short skirt length an easy target,a fat man an hearty jolly fellow,a man with ash mark or namam ia god fearing and trustworthy and a lady in yellow sari with a bowl covered by yellow cloth really has a vow at Tirupathi.We are judgmental by appearances.
    I liked the article but not in agreement with generalizing it though I suspect you have indulged wantonly in hyperbole to excite readers interest!!.The post scripts of yours are inimitably interesting!!!

    1. Thanks a ton for the comment, KP. We are judgemental by appearances...true. I know I am not generalising here, but as you say, it kind of excites the readers ;)

  2. WOW.. Thanks for such a lovely post. I think there is absolutely no need to worry about opinion of others who dont matter. By reacting to such small talk, you are diverting your energies to such a small issue and losing focus on your dreams and ambitions. Let us keep our focus on where we want to go.

    BTW. Your lean friends may be receiving comments such as 'why they are so lean? It is time for a medical check. Eat properly. Why you are so weak etc? This tamasha goes on....Just ignore have better things to do than worry about them.


    1. Thank you...It is not easy to ignore these kind of people, Hari Sir. They are aplenty. Agreeing to that fact that we have better things to do...

  3. 1. Every male looks at her venus partner like a gUlab jamun... may b god's creation.. to keep the human race...keep goin..( or ther will b no generations atal)...
    2. In gen ppl pref tkt counters having womn or ladies while waitin in they clear the queue faster than their male counterparts..u may hav evn realized that?
    3.consiously or un-consiously...our ppl do ridicule obesity... and the ppl are good/happy at hitting one at achille's heeel..( u knw hw ppl gets wounded thn?? tat too if it wer ur school days???...) fact the societal pressures make every one think those lines.. u know ,,,many of my relations are keen in gettin fair brides.......
    5.dont knw what to add more to this.. bcaz u r talking abt ppl who shd be ignored..talks which are supposed to be turned urself deaf... and seeing thru lenses wher u hav to b blind... even successful ppl face crictisisms frm others on some grounds...rem MORARJI DESAI?..
    6.even if u grow or even if u fall.. the world crictises uu..(a old tamil song)

    1. Beautifully analysed, Anonymous! Yes, the world keeps on judging. No matter what you do or what you are!

  4. Namaste.....
    Everyone has something, fairer and thin does not equate loving, loyal, kind or intelligent nor does it negate it. Same for the darker beauties with the plump bodies, their silhouette does not equate desperation, low self-esteem and the absence of intelligence in fact it can be quite the opposite.

    The truth is one cannot tell a person's character and the content thereof by the color of ones skin or the size of ones waist line or thigh. Its the reason people end up in disastrous relationships because because like a lamb to the slaughter they allowed themselves to be swayed and lead by the physical and fail to look beyond until its to late to un-ring that bell.

    There is a price for everything and stupidity carries an especially steep pound of flesh.

  5. Sigh, people are like that. They want you to do best and look best but they forget to appreciate it. And you are not perfect, they give examples of others they perceive are perfect.


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