This is the last time you are going to try fitting into that jean. You are trying that one last time of natural 'tummy tuck'. Easy...close your eyes, puff out all the air in your lungs...and....pull in as much air as you can. There! Hold on...don't let it free. Look down at your toes, I bet that would be so easy as straightening Tommy the mastiff's tail. Try pulling the sides and fasten the button. Almost there...and...oh my! The right tail just slips. This is where I say Yoga classes come in handy.
You always feel you are gliding through the corridor of your office, the whole wide world around you watches you with dilated pupils. Ever imagined what would be flashing in the deepest crevices of their ugly minds? " Is this a walking whale or a rolling rhino?" Poof! You are used to this, aren't you? Shrugging them off, you try your trademark gesture- tossing your hair to the back from your forehead. Ouch! That is when you realize, the hairline is receding like the sea before a tsunami. Gallons of ervamatin dutifully poured on the scalp has little effect on your depleting hair resources.
That is when you become so self absorbed- your hair is definitely due for another change of style. Every time your favorite hair stylist touches your hair with reverence, you go dreaming as if you have the silkiest, softest, cutest hair. What you don't know is the poor fellow uttering Hail Marys, seeking divine intervention in helping him retain what minimal hair is left in your scalp after the cutting and styling.
Every time you lift your eyebrows with that knock out questioning gesture of yours, the opponent will be trying to decipher the exact location of your eyebrows. Or the part of your face that you once saw arched like a bow. Had you tried to draw the same cranky eyebrows on canvas with your eyebrow pencil and eyeconic kajal few centuries back, you would have given Picasso and Rembrandt a run for their money!
You were always a charmer...that million watt smile of yours can lighten up an entire room. You were once the brand ambassador of Happydent. Your killer smile had captivated and enthralled people. Squaring your shoulders, you try that smile every time you feel let down. Did I say squaring your shoulders? Yes, that must be toughest task- a frame of 6 feet wide and 4 feet tall, with shoulder length of equal size, you have got to pump in 5000 Hp power to shrug your shoulders leave alone squaring it.
Smile...you remind yourself again. You give it your best try, exhibiting those molars that is left after numerous root canal sessions. As you imagine your laugh lines, all that is seen are the worry lines and frown lines kissing your forehead. A frosty smile and a throaty laugh later, you find yourself sidelined and pushed to a corner. Yes, that is where you are wallow in self pity. When you are 36 and pushed to a corner, all you encounter is the feeling of returning to the past. To turn the clocks back, to bring back the torn calendar sheets, to retrieve all those glorious moments when you were the glory lily in the wilderness.
Middle age! Aptly called so, as it is a serious condition that affects your mid-section! Boy would you shell out a fortune for flat board abs and a hardly there tummy. The length of your pony tail is directly proportional to your age. The more the years, the higher the altitude. Your smile resembles that literally 'full blown' smile of the mask's Jim Carrey- minus the green. That is when you seek advice- expert advice, well actually, any advice. That is when you look out for someone in your life look at you and say how beautiful you are.
That is when you reflect that all along, you have earned brownie points called love, affection and friendship. That is when a cup of coffee and laughter with your middle aged agony aunt adda brings you immense pleasure. That is when a peck on cheek from your little one means a world and that is when a teeny weeny flower delivered as a surprise from your usually 'forget everything' husband touches your heart.
Heart did I say? Yes. That is where the key lies. The key to being happy. The password to your dreams and passions. The one stop solution for all your appearance miseries and getting- into- the- jeans disasters. Something called LOVE that permeates your soul from the known and the unknowns. That is what you have to radiate with. That is what all other 36 something women out there lust for, thirst for. Share all that you got, lady! The kindness of the soul reflects and reaches far more people than the radiance of your so imagined happydent smile! Keep smiling and keep radiating the glow of your soul! Mwwwaaaahhhhh ;))))
Me- as I feverishly outline my shape in front of the mirror.
p.s.: This post is dedicated to all the women nearing their forties. Aunties, we rock!!!
|Courtesy: Aunty Acid|
p.p.s.: Someone judged my speech as not worthy of even a third prize in a contest. Middle fingers to him!
p.p.s.: To the baby in me- I love ya...MMMwwwaaaahhhh :)))
Thanks for this wonderful post.It is true that looks dont matter. But it was shocking to know a HR person saying that he gives weightage to looks in a selection. Many kids have lot of misconceptions about colour and looks. 'Dark is Beautiful' is one good initiative in the right direction. Hope things change soon.ReplyDelete
Thank you so much for the comment, Hari sir :) I wish middle aged women face life with the same confidence and zeal as that of 16 year olds...Delete
It is a humorous piece written with usual exaggeration and bristling with tongue in cheek remarks..I have always felt that women in their late thirties and early forties are in the peak of their lives and look best.The wisdom and maturity that show in their faces mask their initial wrinkles,if any.ReplyDelete
One cannot still resist the ravages of time on ones physique but can retard them by "combining the body, the mind, and the heart and keeping these in parallel vigor by exercising, studying, and loving.” This is what you have said at the end..
I have always felt Mahatma Gandhi in his old age with his toothless smile looked far more charming than in his rugged fifties.
Awww...thank you KP :) That is a sweet comment. Yes, what you say is right. Who can imagine Gandhi without his toothless smile and crinkled eyes? :)Delete
Oh, it is like wine... we get better with age :)ReplyDelete
Well said, Meera! Vintage wine and wife are treats to cherish ;) Thanks for the comment!Delete
So very well said :) The right amount of bite with just a dash of sweetness, whoever said whatever about anything need to go get a life.ReplyDelete
Awww...thanks PeeVee :) That's so nice of you :)Delete
i am also becoming older!!!!!!ReplyDelete
Everyone is Nikhi :) Welcome to my blog and let's age gracefully ;)Delete
"the hairline is receding like the sea before a tsunami"ReplyDelete
I DIED LAUGHING. You are awesome. Age is truly just a number.
Btw middle finger to that dude! Your speech would have been great!
Thanks Red!!!! Age is just a number and I wish the blokes out there would have got the message by now!Delete
That was a beautiful letter to oneself .. This is something I would say book mark and read again when I am into the 'Aunty' phase someday to check mark, VOILA , I relate to this.ReplyDelete
The climax, gives a perk of confidence. And we dont generally talk to ourselves for a prize in a contest, right?
Thanks for the comment, Madrasi! We should definitely keep talking to ourselves to boost that confidence!Delete