Rain lashed the huge banyan tree where I stood huddled. Wind howled in my ears and drowned out his words. I could not hear them, though I could see them coming...A single tear that had threatened to trickle down the long eyelashes had now turned into a free and steady stream. Hiding my face from him, I ran. So fast as my legs could carry, to the confines of my room. He took a few steps towards me, then chose wisely not to.
The last two days had been so confusing. He had been elusive, the first I had seen him so, all these years. He kept smiling at me in the training classes, passed on curd at the hotel during lunch hour and everything else had been normal about him, or so it seemed. I noticed he was much withdrawn and aloof. I smiled at the little Jesus motif on his pen. He was never religious, I knew that. May be that was one of the reasons why I tried to remain distant from him. He talked less to everyone and maintained a careful silence whenever I was around. And i was dying to talk to him. To listen to his 'da' and watch his smile light up his eyes. To ruffle his hair and laugh at his crazy jokes. To watch the nimble fingers hold the cigarette stub. To tell him finally that i made up my mind. To tell him that our Love-Hate relationship was over. To bare my heart out in the open...
Few years back...
First day, first college, first classroom. Everything was new and fresh..the college, the class rooms. For a small town girl entering a college, i was pretty nervous, but maintained steady. The whole class turned around to watch me, the girl with a boy cut, the short stature, reed-thin frame. Feeling probing eyes, i turned my head to look straight into the most expressive eyes i had ever seen. A big friendly smile ensued and i was surrounded with warmth. By the break time, i gathered he was friendly with everyone. He came to me in long strides, his six foot frame towering over a midget like me. "Any help, you can ask me", he smiled. His smile- not just a smile, it is a flower that blooms...slowly. His small lips that open wide, revealing white teeth in contrast to the deep brown cigarette kissed lips and the smile tinkling along the little eyes with long eyelashes drooping.
As days passed, i moved out of my shell. It was tough, fighting out for the marks, recognition from professors and participating in everything under the sun- debates, essay writing, poetry, football, athletics, quizzes. Fighting for recognition does strange things to you- you never try to perceive others around you. I was almost insane, mad for 'more'. How much ever I achieved, i was thirsty for more. It was this craze that hid something precious from me. Him!
He waited patiently every evening for the classes to end, to walk with me till the terminus, buying me ice creams and happily chatting away about the day. He bought me roses, cared for me, followed me everywhere i went. Annoyed and irritated...that is how i felt initially. My name was not to be sullied. I was a great student, someone who was going to be the 'best'. He was a hindrance. Noting my indifference, he proposed...not once, a million times and hundreds of ways- subtly, openly, strongly. I understood, but feigned indifference. I had to complete the course, settle down in a job. Love could always wait.
So i started pretending. Pretending to hate him. To yell at him. To make him look a fool. To alienate him from his friends. How much ever i hated him, his love simply kept growing. A single day's absence from college brought him to my home. With feverish lips and burning eyes, i could feel his love as he barged in demanding why i was not at college. His eyes changed a vivid pool of concern looking at my tired face and care spilled in his words. As he left, all i could feel was hate- i hated me for not loving him.
Years flew fast and he remained the same, we openly showed hatred, I was fighting him at the flimsiest excuses and hiding all the love within. Nothing could move me. Not his day- long wait on a Valentine's Day, not his cards and roses. I was fighting a different battle of proving myself. Not loving someone...The last i ever saw him was on the journey back home, the last day in college. Clutching a bunch of postal envelopes that he gave me with a long sermon on writing to him, I stood smiling. Nothing registered. I had completed graduation. All i was waiting was for a job. That stood between me and him...I shall tell him my love someday and till then, let him hate me...as much as he can.
Two years is a long time. People change. Cities change. Everything changes. Love too...I never wrote back to him. I never called him. I believed he could never hate me and his love would never change. I was naive, back then...Love can change. Hate can change. People evolve. He too had evolved. That rainy day, he had evolved...into something beautiful. A butterfly...He had found love. Someone caring for him was waiting for him back home. He had chased love amid all the hate and discovered it. I was so happy for him, elated...yet sad for me. Years have flown by, he had married his sweet heart, i had married someone real nice, landed in a job, have kids and everything in life. As i note my first grey hair, i cannot help but smile, thinking of him...All that is left of him are a bunch of postal envelopes concealed in my box a few fond memories... and this-
This post is a part of Wrote Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.
Interesting story. All the best for the contest.ReplyDelete
Thank you so much, Rama :)Delete
It is nicely written.But love is like a raging flood that cannot be slowed down by mundane considerations like wanting to be a topper,a good job and shining in all spheres.When one is calculative,love withers.His love was dying but hers was measured and coloured by extraneous considerations.Nevertheless it is an arresting storyReplyDelete
Extraneous considerations sometimes matter more to some people, KP. Not everyone shares the same views. Thanks for the comment.Delete
hmm...very intresting yet very sad...let go is very difficult though it does bring good...nice post.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Thinking!Delete
1.SO director Kathir (IDAYAM FAME) has got more followers for his film characters?!ReplyDelete
2.justice delayed is justice denied (may be love expression too ..)???
3.Fresh - day - fresh college- achivers _ freshers achieve fast.. historically immigrants wer gr8 entreprenurs..
4.so ice creams, greeting card vendors, has got a good market potential wit those lovers couples??
5.". Pretending to hate him."..-- I think it s general psychlogy tat .. if some one backs us relegiously.. we tend to show off others.."Look who is behind me"??
6.Postal envelopes - Interesting episode!!
7."evolve" ??? -do u think it s easy to forget a lov by this tag??
8.MARRIAGE - A major institution to pursuue our life (after school/college)??
9.The author forgot - cheran(thaamini), dharmapuri (vidya) stories..b4 supporting love.. i think .. it s parent's job...to find a suitable match.. the youngs..go for a walk,ice-cream parlour, shopping plaza etc.. enjoy the OSA(infatuation), and let it pass over as it is and as it was..(like walking by the roads in the snowy evening)......
2. This is true.
4. Hahaha! Yup
5. Oh...is it so?
6. Yes :)
7. To me, yes.
8. Don't you think so?
9. Oh...so, just roam the streets and forget it?
1. so it seems like Director kathir (idayam fame) has got real life evidences for his film characters??!ReplyDelete
2."Fighting for recognition" - the whole world runs behind these words...forgetting the purpose of life
3.Freshers achieve more easily - like immigrants makes good entrepreneurs..!
4. Ice- cremes, rose, greetin card vendors hav to say a spl thanks to lovers so as to make a spl customer segment..
5." feverish lips and burning eyes, i could feel his love" - a very gr8 expression of lov..
6.whn some one was behind us.. it is gen psychology to show off others ...look who is behind me..??(is it so??)
7.self - adressed envelopes ..interesting ..(like anna univ for some college admission??)
8."evolve" -+ if tat may b e a reason to forget some one so beloved...???
As i note my first grey hair" - why the grey hair remains of autograf??
10.may b a maarrige is a major instituition one has to pursue - after education as a institution??
11.Love cant fly always .. as it s feathers wer tied up wit 1.age 2.parental pressures 3.3.age difference 4.job 5.salary 6.settlemnt etc..etc...(so v oftn kutti loves becomes passing clouds..)whic gives pleasure for some time until it passes...
Time changes all! Some of us turn into butterflies while others become fossils of what we were! Either way the choice is ours!! Good one and congrats for the blog adda selection - it is indeed WOW!!!ReplyDelete
Thank you so much, Meera :)Delete
Wow post indeed Madame.ReplyDelete