Tuesday 28 August 2012

Virgin is IN!

Ah! 18 again! 

Isn't that lovely? To feel young, carefree and energetic and ahem... virgin ? Your 30 plus body fails to respond to the whims and fancies of your 18 year old tiny heart that likes to skip, hop, jump and to 'tighten'. Fasten your waist belts or rather your panties 'tight', ladies- the 'tight' is here! Hola! You can snap your finger at the hapless male whom you have been despising all your life, you are 'tight'. Crawling on his knees and panting he would now run the household, when you- the 'liberated' can click away on your high heels, flashing the errrr...tight glory hole!

The whole country goes gaga over it! At parties where hush-hush of forty plus aunts and career women in their lunch breaks of nondescript offices where rumor mills worked overtime are now teeming with 'information' on the tights. Feminists and neo-feminists, masochists- everyone alike is scouring information on the revolution- Tight is IN! You are an innocent housewife stuck in time machine, cleaning, cooking and shedding tears watching soaps when it dawns on you. The full page advertisement beckoning you to the "world of 18 again" on Sunday Times interests you.


The women of India are now 'liberated', thanks to the 'yummy mummies' who flaunt their reed thin bodies in twitter and 'silicon beauties' who strip and flash in every tabloid. Fifty shades of grey is the new Holy Book and here comes the Holy Gel to anoint you- the 18 again cream. Ah, and it comes in discreet packaging as the website claims! And that too at a throw away price of Rs. 7290/- Wow...the cost enough to run a family of four for a month, as per our 'planning commission chief'. 

Nose jobs, 'extra' fittings, lip pouts, liposuctions- what not to get the 'killer looks'? Women don't worry about the number of times they go through the knife- they are bothered about the 'rejults'. See our own Shilpa Shetty- she had the priced catch, post the nose job! Raj wouldn't mind the nose when it looks tiny on a grown face. Boney doesn't mind Sridevi's you see! After all the outer shells, now they crack the ice- creams and gels to enhance inner tightening!

Do you mind if 70% of girl children in the BPL depend on their free sanitary napkins issued by the government to tide away those 'three' days? Nah. Why would you? You sink in Poison, have multiple cosmetic surgeries, wear designer labels and drive flashy cars and poor men with equal aplomb! The only missing part in the puzzle is now gifted to you- the vaginal tightening gel! Now that you got all that you wanted, Dr Macmohan would now be offering his prayers fearing repetition of Togo's fiasco. Perhaps women can gain expert advise on 'withholding sex' from Togolese women who are on a sex strike against their President. Crossing the legs, spreading 18 again and refusing sex at home can make someone SPEAK!!! How liberating! How exhilarating! 

Let us embrace 18 again and attain 'inner' nirvana! All at the cost of 7000 bucks. Oh, the ingredients of the cream- gold(?), aloe vera, pomegranate, almonds, dhataki, vallarai ( centella), almost the ingredients of a 'different' curry, except the gold part makes it deliciously edible too!! Good luck, women of India, say bye bye to lose skin, welcome 'tight' liberation! Regain your virginity, that is imperative than your freedom!

For those poor souls who can't understand a single line of this 'intellectual' blabber, go through this 18 again advertisement!

25 comments:

  1. Delightful post, bang on target! I share your indignation! Women conforming to stereotypes to look picture perfect externally! I wonder if any part of the anatomy will remain untouched.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Rachna. I was worried if i might hurt someone writing this. But couldn't control my anger. Better i should enrol in some anger management course:P

      Delete
  2. Weird.... The world is getting funny with such products and saving the "5 msgs" for you special someone ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Weird- you put the right word here, Madhulika. Thanks for the comment:)

      Delete
  3. First they wanted it white - now they want it tight!!! When will the market stop creating wants where none exist? I am sure there is more to a relationship than a tight you know what!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rightly pointed out, Meera! True, there is love and mutual respect that matters more than the 'tight' you know what;) Thanks for the comment:)

      Delete
  4. Actually I saw a debate on some overseas news channel about this product. BTW, you could have written a nice ad for them with your super writing skills but I guess we both married women know what's the truth. I couldn't stop laughing at what Meera wrote, we are one crazy nation. I can't buy it even if I want. I would rather buy 2 grams gold than this cream...:)

    I will read your sequel in free time. :) Sorry for that:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "We are one crazy nation"- true! We women know the truth, ain't we? * wink* 2 gms gold...wow...great minds think alike;)

      Delete
  5. ahahahaha, oh! i understood after few lines...i wondered initially what you were ranting about until i got the 'gist'. OH MY! was all i could utter...not again! It is always on WOMEN! what about the men, they don't have anything for them? It got to show all the palaver is for the desire of men..period!

    An enjoyable satirical post C9.
    Never disappoints #winks#

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh..my bad..i totally forgot you would be reading this;)Sorry about the confusion. You are clever, you got the 'gist':P These kinda things happen in Nigeria too? Glad i din disappoint you:)

      Delete
  6. Wow cloud nine...dat ws a show stealer.....i'm awed at the fact dat the ad really made u write such a hilarious post.....aftrall it myt be serious business for some ladies out dre!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the feedback, Saptadeep:)True, just because it is serious business for some women out there, it sells!

      Delete
  7. Yes even I saw the ad. and was shocked that they had the audacity to bring out such an ad.
    Well as long as people are there to fall for all this nonsense, there will be companies making big money out of such people. Maybe it will not stop here, but will graduate to something as sensational for men too, for why should those poor souls be left behind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Rama. Clap, clap, clap! I love the idea...Why should boys have all the fun?:D

      Delete
  8. First it was fairness creams, then under arm creams and now this....My point is who is going to decide whether the 'Holy Gel'was effective or not ? Whether it whitened and tightened?
    Men?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right question, bang on target:P MEN...who else:D Thanks for the comment, Alka!

      Delete
  9. Hilarious post...got me laughing out loud. and yes things like this happen in Nigeria.

    Everyone wants the 18 looks again...lol

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes, VIRGIN is surely in. As ads in TV, radio and even a blogging contest sponsored by them on BlogAdda under the guise of discussing women's intimate health issues. I was horrified to see so many women participating in it.

    Great post, Cloud nine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sudhagee I agree it was disgusting. I don't know if you read my post or not. I only participated because I wanted to show my anger and frustration at what they were doing. And, there were many posts that gave back. That was our point. Make the point to people who fool others in the name of women's empowerment.

      Delete
  11. Namaste.....
    I enjoyed your post, very provocative and enlightening and the Ad! My goodness! Even that made me laugh though not all of it filled with humor.

    Keep on writing, I'll keep on coming. I've added you to my blogroll for when i browse through bloggersville.

    stay blessed.
    rhapsody
    http://www.facebook.com/RhapsodyPhoenix
    https://plus.google.com/101099217204323189067
    http://s599.photobucket.com/profile/rhapsodeez
    http://www.shelfari.com/rhapsodyphoenix
    http://twitter.com/rhapsodyphoenix

    ReplyDelete
  12. Loved the post.These kind of advertisements play havoc with the social values..

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes felling young is always beautifull....

    ReplyDelete
  14. WHERE ART THOU C9?
    missing you here :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. reading your post after long tym..hehe my crime. being the very less frequent blogger I am! Nivi, I loved the sarcasm, as always I luv they way your post goes.
    Though am not very much sure about how the product goes,pretty sure that the money spent for it can be actually spent for something WORTH the cost

    ReplyDelete
  16. Are there anyone still a virgin at 18 in the cities of India today? Not sure of the villages though. Anyway, as long as the market is there, such products will be produced and sold.

    People get angry at the skin whitening creams too. There have been too many complaints too. But its a booming market still. Who buys these products? Its women themselves. So, should we deny those women the right to buy a product they want or to look in a certain shade of the skin? No...absolutely No.

    Let the people decide what they want. Let the companies come out with products that they believe the people want. If the people really want to use them, they will survive. If not, they will fold up.

    ReplyDelete

Hey, just let me know your feedback:)