Sunday 15 May 2011

THE MUMMY RETURNS!!!

A thumping victory, almost no opposition and Captain's Company- Amma will sure rock Tamilnadu (literally) for five years to come. Honestly, no one ever expected a demure and seemingly pleasing Amma to win such a landslide victory dethroning the exi(s)ting Royal Family. Democratically the trend of such super duper majority is not good, anything the AIADMK feels will be a LAW now. So what happens next to us, the poor common Tamil men and women? Oh, shut up and watch the game!

Day 1 after the verdict: Amma asks her CM room and other Ministers' rooms to be ready in St George Fort, the old Secretariat abandoned by erstwhile First Family. So, the whopping 200 crore new secretariat in Omandurar Gardens is now totally free! Kuppan and Suppan can tie their buffaloes in the Ministers' chambers and graze them in the lawns. How sweet! Amma is the only person to think of buffaloes in Chennai city, who can get only Shakila and Namitha posters to eat. Now, thanks to Amma, they can munch on the grass of Secretariat! Chennai's traffic woes are world reknown- now Amma's convoy will be a regular feature everyday. All flights above Chennai will be grounded, all vehicular traffic on Beach Road will be stopped and all ships in Chennai harbour will be anchored till Amma's convoy starts from Poes Garden and reaches St George's Fort. Amma's safety is our ultimate concern- you see.

Kannagi's Statue in Marina

Poor Kannagi! Karuna and Jaya have made it a point she never rests in her Eternal slumber even after centuries! Amma removes her statue and Karuna installs it. Every five years she comes to Marina and then goes missing. Probably Almighty God will have mercy on her. He would breathe in life and make her walk back to Madurai from Chennai. Azhagiri Anna would love to have the statue installed in Thirumangalam! Poetic justice, indeed. But to install Kannagi's statue, we need Anna at home in Madurai. Going by Amma's speed, i predict Anna would end up in Puzhal, either in KP Krishnan's murder case or the Dinakaran office torching case. Or may be Anna can request to have Kannagi statue installed before his cell in Puzhal, reminding him of Anni!

Amma will provide us all the freebies promised-
1.  Free laptops for all higher secondary students ( Facebook will have a field day!)
2. 20 kgs rice for all ration cards ( who will give us oil and lentils?- drink porridge daily!)
3. Free cable connection for public ( oh yeah, Karuna gave us free TVs and now we need free Cable, for sure!)
4. Free mixer, grinder and fan ( along with 3 hour power cut a day!)
5. Military force will be deployed for electricity theft ( so that Amma's aides can steal everything else. Does the military know this, by the way?)
6. Below poverty line people will get 20 litres mineral water per day ( Give them water to wash their behinds first, Amma dear!)
7. Poor will get Rs 25,000 along with 4 gm gold for marriage ( oh...my! why did i marry at 24? The astrologer told i shall be wealthy if i marry at 33...I should have listened to him, then. Silly me! I lost 25000 bucks and 4 gm gold.)
8. Senior citizens above 58 will get free bus pass. ( Oh yes, they were the only people missing in the peak hour traffic. Why not add them to the rush?)
9. Kattil Thatha scheme ( Grandpa in cot scheme) for aged people abandoned by their wards.( sounds just perfect, Amma can find a place on retirement from politics!)
10. Government sugar mills will be enriched ( well, enrich Midas Golden Distilleries, as well!)

 Imelda with her infamous shoe collection
Personally, Amma will now have to aircondition the cow shed in Poes Garden- the cows are tiring soon in the heat. Imelda Marcos will probably fly in to give some ideas to Amma on stacking shoes. Last time i saw them on TV, they looked outta fashion. Who else can advise Amma on shoes other than Imelda? And how can we forget Amma and UPS? Amma needs UPS to stay charged- Udan Pirava Sahothari! ( unrelated sisters) Sasi and Family will now rule the roost, we can hope to see many more pictures of the Sisters together garbed in Diamond Ottiyanams!
UPS- Sisters bedecked with diamonds and gold

Governorji will now be a much worried man, he wouldn't like to end up like Dr Chenna Reddy. It would be better if he keeps half a mile distance from Amma. Only our Amma has the guts to accuse a Governor with molestation charges. Femme fatale of course- beware Barnalaji. Oye ji...thoda Ammaji se hatke rahiye ji...Our next five years will be filled with fun provided by Amma- there will be sentimental scenes dripping with tears, you can see Karuna crying- Aiyo kolrangale! Aiyo kolrangale! flashed on Sun and Kalaignar TVs. There will be emotional court scenes where ex DMK ministers would try to defend their honour. Tens of thousands will be losing jobs with a single signature of Amma. Beware Tamils! Brace up to face Amma's Avatar- Rudravatar! 
In all this ruckus, one man will be happily drinking and making merry- our Captain. 
Quoting him, "Nan etho thappu thappa solrein, illa?" ( I am telling something wrong, ain't I?)


All pictures courtesy- Google search

27 comments:

  1. Hey my friend, i might not understand all what you said, but i get the gist of the matter...she is a great woman like Margret Thatcher? Who is the lady with zillions pairs of shoes?...Imeda? A politician or part of the royal family? {see my confusion?} Pls can you break it down for me to understand? Thank you :)

    p.s, as per jewelries...Indians love them a lot..is it like an insurance thing incase of financial hardship?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hilarious post with tongue in cheek barbs directed at one and all. Humour apart I have the following to say.

    Having chosen ADMK combine let us I hope JJ in 2011 and beyond gives a good government improving the lives of poor by job opportunities,augmenting power supply,bolstering the economy and facilitating rapid industrial growth across the entire state.

    She should carry DMDK along with her preferably in the government.Captain's votes helped her in clinching the victory on such a scale.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1.No super dooper majority. (only 147/234). so other 90+ voters were outsiders of ministry.
    2.It was already expectd one. and the new secretariat was planned at Rs,500Cr and tehn ended up at RS.1000Cr, costing the very good Omandurar garden.
    3.Free bies no other go.. Bcaz in a rome city u can only b a ...roman..
    4.The personal collection of Shoes and sarees wer all personal and TV camera and Cops ithink have no job in taking counting of her sarees, or chappals etc..(after all how much they wer gonna cost?)
    5.that marrige s her life time black mark. that cant b jus removed.(may nt repeat..)
    6.I think no political tit-tat will happen. As the Parliamnt elections wer there at 2014. who evr go in to cell draws sympathy of tamil PPl.(imgine jaya in 1997 then won 1998 LS,and MKin 2001 and won 2004(LS).
    7.And reg VIJAYkant the comment looks like of VADIVELU.. *( ??)!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Now there are only two parties to choose in Tamil Nadu, and we have been used to the rule of both these parties.
    But Jaya seems much better, stronger than the other person who was shown the door.
    Let us not be so negative, people change, knowing that, you can fool people sometimes, but not fool all the people all the time.
    I am sure she has learnt her lesson.
    At least one good thing she did during her time, was to get Verrappan killed, that itself shows that when there is a will there is always a way.
    Finding perfectly good people in politics has become so rare these days, so we can be thankful for getting rid of the most worst government in India.
    I think we should wait and watch, anyway what else can we do other than that.
    Good post.

    ReplyDelete
  5. lol
    beautifully written
    like the title Mummy returns

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Cloudnine,

    Any more lands are left out to be owned by "Big Sisters"? I think no.. Beware of your land, if you have any! Sasi comes....

    Let all the Arrac shops be clossed, and Jeya brand hot and cold drings be distributed through ration shops...You too can get dealership from Captain!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Ibhade- I am sorry, i just got carried away and forgot all nationals read my posts! This post is on Jayalalitha our Chief Minister elected to power right now. I don;t know if she is so great as Thatcher, her career is marred with lots of scandals. The lady with zillion pairs of shoes is former First Lady of Phillipines Imelda Marcos, whose lavish lifestyle brought her downfall. And yes, i agree with jewelery part- Indians see gold as a financial investment:)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear Sahana- Thanks for the visit and comment. Wishful thinking! We all do wish she gives us good governance, but knowing her stubborn nature and "don't care" attitude, we cannot look for major changes. She will remain just the same:(

    ReplyDelete
  9. very nicely written
    but as far as content is concerned i wud like to emphasise that though a authoritarian she is far better adminstrator than MK. unlike MK she quite openly goes to temples and doesnt say i am an atheist but my 'manjal thundu' is reminding buddha etc etc.

    remember rain water harvesting ...it s a panacea for drought prone TN. who else other than Amma can think of such innovative schemes.

    as far as MK is concerned he some how what to get rid of his job due to sucession battle among offsprings of manaivi , thunaivi..etc etc etc.. so this loss is a profit for him.

    captain ..we look forward more from him. hope he gets better advice from panruti and we definitely need an alternative from DMK and AIADMK.
    captain is the obvious choice and hope he uses his chance wisely.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear Anonymous- the cost of New Secretariat is much more than what i had mentioned, i see! Freebies is the trend of the day and so we can't blame the ADMK alone. If the personal shoes and bags collection were from her personal money, it seems fine. But why should we pay for her cinderella slippers???? And that comment like Vadivelu...hahaha, you got me! Poor Vadivelu, all 5 years he is gonna live in HELL!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dear sm, thanks for the comment, glad you loved the post!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear janaki- LOL!!! nice one. After Karuna and Jaya, we might not have even a single square feet of land left for poor people like us! And captain will be having a field day!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dear Rama- thanks for the comment. You are indeed positive and i love that about you. Lets see what the future has in store for us! And Veerappan case was no Encounter, it was a la Osama killing, lots of loose ends!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dear Ramnath, thanks for the comment. Lets see how Amma handles this situation. Always success makes her mad and aloof and if she is gonna repeat what happened in her earlier term, she is gonna be thrown out of office! And to call Captain an alternative to both MKs is funny. He is a newbie and lacks values and virtues. I hate movie stars who cash in on popularity in politics. Vijay will soon jump in and Kush will follow suit. Would you like to be ruled by Khush and Vijay??? Absurd!

    ReplyDelete
  15. all in all a hopeless situation.. too much freebies will spoil the people.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi Nive,
    I can see that you are evolving as a blogger in terms of content and presentation. Good piece. I am sharing your post of FB. Good choice of photos. Expecting more....

    ReplyDelete
  17. hi nive....but dont forget both mk and jaya from film world.c vijaykanth was the only person who stood firmly against the onslaught of mk family and did not succumb to any sort of pressure. though personally i dont like movie stars encashing their popularity ...tell me if vijaykanth is not an alternative who will be????

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dear Harish, thanks for the visit and comment. We have becpome such suckers for freebies...habits die hard!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dear Naga, thanks a lot for your comment and share in FB:) I am humbled! Shall sure try to write more and better:))Love your encouragement:)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear Ramnath, i too would be glad if there is a proper alternative to the two MKs. But sadly, DMDK is a bad choice. It is run autocratically by Captain and his family- Premalatha aka Anni, her brother Sutheesh...We are doomed to be ruled by these clowns straight from movies:(((

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thanks Thommy, for the visit and first comment on my blog:)))

    ReplyDelete
  22. Love the pics with all the shoes! thanks for the sweet comment! very true a matter of just 5 month hopefully it'll go by fast.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I just loved the title Amma Returns...Amma and her cloak in dagger politics. And now she will organize a witch hunt for Anna....

    They are all the same, aren't they.

    Hilarious post btw :D

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dear Linhy:) Thanks for the comment. God Bless:)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear Purba, thanks a lot for your visit and comment. Yes, the witch hunt will last five long years and she will be shown the door in the next elections. But before all that, there will be atleast four or five special courts and hundreds of cases! Poor judiciary!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Nivedita you forgot the goats in the list of promises...!!! Now every poor person will get two goats and if the number of goats are not sufficient to reach everyone there will be some creative corruption w here the animal husbandry department will get dogs to be disguised as goats!!! He.. he.. he! She is craziness personified!

    ReplyDelete

Hey, just let me know your feedback:)