Friday 6 May 2011

Catch Me If You Can

I wake up, glance at my watch and switch on the TV remote. The first visual streaming in was ODTV that showed a gory scene with blood splattered all around. Oh, what the hell...a bad start to a good morning. I look dreamily at the pizza hand delivered from Karachi. I live in Babbotabad, White House, near Saudi Mosque, Clifton, Karachi, just a stone's throw away from Karachi's Military Compound. I have fallen in love with Babbotabad, its quaint lifestyle where i drive my flashy lamborghini. Burp...the pizza delivery boy's service is too good here! I close my eyes and try to figure out what to do today- may be fly in my private jet to Dubai for a turkish bath session. Mmmmmmmmmmmm....sounds so refreshing. Did i forget to tell you? I now own an airline company from an undisclosed Central Asian Republic. A bath and then a board meeting of D Company in Hotel Burj Khalifa's pent house is today's agenda.

Since the purported death of Osama bin Laden, i have tried to remain more discreet- i wouldn't want choppers descending on White House! Tiger and Chotu must be in the second floor, i think to myself. Life has been so easy, thanks to ISI who have bestowed highest of the highest degrees for our family members. Who would have thought- Zubeena who never set foot in a school is today Dr Zubeena, Ph D. Mahrukh is an engineer...I myself Post Doctorate in OCCF ( Organised Crime, Counterfeiting, Forgery)! I simply love the ISI and the Republic of Pakistan. Reminiscing my life in Mumbai is my favorite pastime and here i go again, remembering the hotttt Bollywood heroines who performed for me in Dubai. Sallu Mian is my favorite Hero, he told Aish how much we like each other! I was so happy watching the tapes Sallu Mian and Aish talked of me...And i  remember fondly my dear Munnabhai with a gun. Munna is my all time favorite, his love of pistols and women- we both share same aspirations. My Bollywood connection is a kismat connection!


Munnabhai sporting my pistol!
This lady was kissed and she told!!! Sallu Mian- Never trust women who kiss and tell!



OBL was my best friend till that date when Black Hawks descended on Abbotabad and murdered him. Had he listened to me- bought an airline and positioned one chopper ready to take off any moment, Navy SEALs would not have got him. He would be now playing Tora Tora happily with his sixth Omani wife in Corbettobad than being mauled by blood thirsty sharks in Arabian Sea! Luckily for me, my chopper always waits at my beck and call at the top floor of White House. I heard yesterday the Indian Army is planning to carry out a Covert Operation to take me down- but Allah Kareem, their choppers are so bad- they cannot even cross into Pakistani air space in their choppers! Ask Dorjee Kandu, YSR, Actress Soundarya...Pawan Hans or Military choppers, Indian aircrafts take off well, but land seldom!

Oh...but i have to be careful about the rockets of ISRO- every time they launch one, it barges staright into Bay of Bengal. May be they would try to send a commando force aboard a PSLV and land it in Babbatobad. That i must be careful of. I love the masala reporters of Indian Press- so much that i often invite them to White House to have chit chats. I am a big fan of Barkha Dutt, she is a great OCCF and can liaise with my tradesmen and may be help in selling pistols to Ministers! I can give a live show on any Indian television, but never get caught! I can attend any cricket match and watch it from the VVIP box, but never get caught! I can buy, sell and broker any business in India, but never get caught! I may be invisible, but omnipotent and omnipresent....I am Dawood Ibrahim....Catch me if you can!!!




All pics courtesy- Google search:)

16 comments:

  1. Hahaha.. a wonderful satire post! ...many still refuse to believe!
    thinks USA is covering up.

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  2. LMAO...I remember someone tweeting that Osama's wife was actually Dawood Ibrahim in drag.

    Time we got him too.

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  3. Dear Ibhade! Thanks for the visit and comment:)Unless OBL comes back from the watery grave, we will never know the truth, shall we?:P

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  4. Dear Purba, thanks for the time and comment:) That was a funny tweet! Yes, it is high time we get him:)

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  5. Hilarious but with biting sarcasm.Wow
    kpartha12@gmail.com

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  6. The Ultimate Don, Dawood ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi namumkin hai?!!!
    Very Amusing satire, Brilliant :)

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  7. was a fun reading it.

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  8. nicely written niveditha....though u have written in a lighter manner the subject matter is a very serious one...nice satire.

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  9. How about Osama living in ordinary house 500 meters from the White House,and the US has shot someone looking like Osama, and even saw to it he was buried in the deep sea. Such things may happen everything is looking very fishy fishy, and vague. One day the real Osama might rise from the death to strike again. Beware America!!
    Nice satire.
    And Happy Mother's day to you too!

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  10. Loved this Nivedita...!! I am sorry to sound like this but I think since the Govt of pakistan does not seem to be able to catch terrorists and criminals in thier own country it is only an open invitation for the country which wants to catch them to come in collect the prize! I think all we need is a person who can negotiate with Zardari the way US probably has...! Otherwise how can this happen?

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  11. @ KParthasarathy- thanks for the visit and comment!
    @ Arti- Thanks a ton for your comment.
    @ Anonymous- Glad you enjoyed the post.

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  12. Dear Ramnath- Thanks for the comment:) Seems Dawood has been sent to Saudi Arabia by ISI;)

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  13. Thanks Rama for your comments here and Happy Mother's Day to you too!

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  14. Dear Meera- Thankd for the visit and comment. I don't think our arguments can hold water with Zardari like what happened with US. Pakistan still relies heavily on US aid and it will be a puppet in US hands. But India arranging a covert operation like this in Pakistan- simply impossible!

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  15. Dawood bhai, What a man you are?

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  16. Yeah Louis:) Do find him for us, will you?:P

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