Thursday, 8 May 2014

The Photobsessed

I am omnipotent. I am omnipresent. Any picture you get hold of in my neighborhood, you can see my toothy smile. Hordes of albums overflowing the closet will have me and only me. I am crazy- 'picture crazy' or rather 'posy-crazy'. I love to see my shadow everywhere. I adore me, no matter how bad the mirror growls. No matter how much my bike's rear view mirror abhors, I love looking at me. I love posing for pictures, I wish I could push the bride and bridegroom away from the reception stage, if it is decorated with my favorite orchids and lilies. 

I simply love me. I love the camera better than anything else in the world- no sir, the falooda is no match to the shot where I hold rare orchids and smile! Cloaked in megalomania, I attend all family functions with a desire to look ravishing...dashing and what not. The moment of glory allures me as the newly married couple go left right and away. 

The queue of well wishers with bouquets and gifts snakes down the entire hall and I can feel my make up playing peekaboo. First it is the sweat on the forehead trickling down, peeling out the powder and then mascara follows suit. It is the eyeliner next...my eyes wear their own self inflicted dark circles and by the time I reach the stage, voila! I look directly out from Mars. The cameras happily click away and I plaster a million dollar smile to my face, along with the dripping makeup colors. I love smoky eyes...one can't say if you have tried deliberately to ape the witch of a horror movie. If you get to see the picture in the album a few days later, you will regret stepping on that stage ever! 
I betcha! How much ever we don makeup, the picture definitely sucks, big time!
Life ain't so bad, mademoiselle! I am a sucker for flowers and waterfalls and butterflies and mountains. Imagine posing with a yak, with your mouth twitched in a so-called smile, while all you wish to do is shriek at the top of your lungs and dash away. Poor yak! If only it could talk;) I love blowing bubbles and wish someone could click me blowing bubbles the whole day, 24*7. There was once a poor lad stuck with me who finally did a Houdini act when I waved at him for taking the 1214th picture blowing bubbles!
This was probably the 1213th bubble picture, I guess ;)

I can bend 180 degrees for that perfect lighting. I can stand on all fours to make a flower look close to me. I can rotate my head 360 degrees to pose for a panorama shot. I can kill a fly if it is anywhere inside the frame of my camera and I can be still and silent for a full minute if someone is clicking away my picture. Imagine....o-n-e-f-u-l-l-m-i-n-u-t-e of silence from this motor mouth for a picture! Now I know why husband dear loves to click my pictures often!
That would be the sleeping on anthurium pose number 99 :P
I love exploring peculiar shots in wild wild forests. I am a walking leech magnet and they just love my O negative blood. The suckers always know when I try for that perfect 'greeny green' shot and cling to me like the death itself! Do they deter me? Nah! I look perfectly alright and smile away while my inner mind and brains go exploding at the thought of some blood donation camp I put up for the leeches;) 
Do I look afraid of the leeches? They bit me anyway and committed suicide;)

I suffer from acrophobia. But that doesn't deter me from posing over the cliff overlooking rolling meadows where grazing sheep look like small white balls. That doesn't irk me a bit when I cruise in the cable car clicking away selfies like mad, all the time while my insides shake like leaves in a storm. That doesn't stop me from depicting my favorite mudras atop temple stairs, as my salwar billows and wind howls in my ears. 
Oh yes! All I could think of was- "Dear God, if I don't slip and fall, I shall write a post about it and mention your name;)
Can you believe? This is a selfie;) Didn't I tell you?
The best thing about my photo craziness is the patience I learned. A lifeless beach, a 'no one in the frame' snow capped mountain, a secluded and serene park where the lonely woman..ahem...me, sits pondering at the yonder grasslands...all those pictures smile at me back whenever I pick up my hard disk after a hard day. The smiles and fond memories keep flooding back. To this happiness, I can endure any number of leech bites, panic attacks, heart failures, temper tantrums and wedding receptions! A toast to the most beautiful, graceful, lovely, heavenly, flowery, shining woman- ME! Yayyyy!!!
Now tell me, which is the sunflower or who is the sunflower? :)

p.s.: Post after a long gap. Echoos me ladies and gentlemen. I am enjoying a summer vacation sans the kids;)
p.p.s.: All nail- biting and cussing...not for the 40 something bachelor or the 56 inch chest chaai baai. It is reserved for the CSK Vs. KXIP! India is one cricket crazy nation, full of 11 billion 'as you name it' Mr Bernard Shaw!
p.p.p.s.: I love the power cuts. Brings down the electricity bills, you know*wink* 


10 comments:

  1. Very well written post about your hobby. Keep writing often.

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  2. Hahahhaha how adorable are youuuuuu. I will click your bubble picture 24*7 ...You are the sunflower indeed!!! Your selfie is the cutest ever!!!

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    1. Awwww....choooo chweetttt of you, Red! Love yah!

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  3. ahaha always had a sense of humour, which I like....and finally, I put a face to the name.

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  4. Indeed post... with great sense...keep it up!

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    1. Thanks Noopur! Welcome to my blog :)

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  5. Oh ho! Look at those pics. You are definitely overshadowing the sunflower :).

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