Wednesday, 6 February 2013

A(u)nti talks!

A casual lunch time conversation in a nondescript office teeming with women goes thus-

Me: Try this fish curry, dear.
She: Oh! so sweet of you dear. I just thought of it and here you bring. How tasty. I wish i could cook like you.
HMV: Like Hell i like this. I know your trick woman- you are trying to feed me all those calories and make me a moving tank like you! And the taste of your fish- yuck! Your husband hardly touches your food. Poor him- the fellow can be a poster boy for the eradicate poverty campaign of UN!
The first time of the day when two women colleagues meet in the canteen-
Me: Good morning! You look so fresh in this cotton salwar today.
She: Good morning dear. Why, you look ravishing in this bhagalpuri. Peach and pastel green- what a combination! I have been craving a saree in this combination.
HMV: Such a trash! What the hell does she think she wears? Fit to be a table cloth. Or may be she pilfered her neighbor's curtain cloth. Thank God, my salwar looks far better today. Hmmmmmm...may be the section guys will notice my dress today, after all.
A discussion on which course is best for the children after schooling.
Me: I think my son would score enough to enter IIT. See, i have put him in coaching classes from his ninth standard.
She: True. He is very intelligent like you. May be he will finish IIT and work in NASA one day! My son is totally offtrack. I wonder if he will complete his degree.
HMV: IIT? My foot! That distilled idiot doesn't know the difference between 0 and 1. Coaching classes from 9th standard? I know how the poor kid was kicked in his ass for bunking his classes by the tutor. My son will sure enter IIT. I will ensure that the stupid son of Kumar gets into IIT. ( gritting her teeth).
Oh, i forgot to say who this Kumar is- the poor chauffeur of our she's car and her personal ATM!
A signing off meeting on a friday evening, while collecting hand bags. 
Me: Oh..i am so tired. I will take rest today and  will go to the movies tomorrow. Hope my husband is free.
She: Cool! You have a great time. I have loads of work pending at home. No outings for me.
HMV: ( Baring her teeth) Movies? How could she go to the movies? Stupid woman. She makes her 'innocent' husband do all the household chores and then enjoys the time. Let me get back home. Kumar wouldn't mind doing all the 'trivial' stuff. I too will go to the movies.
Oh...pathetic...Mr Kumar!
Colleagues meeting in a mutual friend's wedding.
Me: Wow! I didn't expect you here, dear. Lovely jewelry you are wearing. Are they real pearls?
She: Yes, yes. They are. My uncle gifted this from Hyderabad. See the lustre of the pearls!
HMV: You didn't expect me here- you devil. Do you think i am a nobody begging the streets? And pearls- what do you know of them? These are false ones, i bought them for two hundred bucks from the street vendor. Why would i tell you that. I love flaunting it on your face.
One morning, a small informal meet in the corridor after coffee.
Me: I really can't manage my motherinlaw. I wonder how she gets under my skin. Anything she does just irks me.
She: Yes..the old witches. The sooner we get rid of them, the better we would be.
HMV: Poor dear. She too suffers like me!
God listening to all these conversations- "Finally the thoughts and voices match for once. Long live the old women of the households". AMEN!
p.s.: HMV refers to Her Mind Voice- your colleague's inner voice!
p.p.s.: This applies to female colleagues over forty years ONLY!
p.p.p.s.: February 14 is nearing- Love is in the air. Happy Valentine's Day, dear all. ( Love thy own wives and husbands and lovers. Thy shall not covet others' property- God ;))
Picture of this week-

19 comments:

  1. ROFL, so we finally agree on one thing. BTW, the new header is beautiful :)

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  2. Well nice gossip session.
    Well, although i didn't force my son to join any of IIT coaching classes, he was interested and he joined , i think it from 10th, and I am thinking how difficult it is these days to get admission in any good course, even if you do get into IIT, there is no guarantee that you would get the subject you want.
    It was such a pain seeing him leave the house early in the morning to reach his school, do all that is expected of him to do there and after school attend 2 hours of IIT coaching in the school itself, preparing his breakfast , short break lunch and something for him eat in the evening before the C.C. Though he was very smart and clever he did not get through.
    It was easy during my husband's time as there was no such mad rush to get into it, though it used to be difficult at that time too, but if you were smart one could get into it, but now if my husband tried, I am sure he too would not get.
    Sorry for getting diverted to something else, but your line made me think in that way.
    However, I feel some times some harmless gossip too is good for us, it helps us pass our time without hurting anybody. Am I right?

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Rama, I can understand the pressures your son might have felt. Entering IIT is no easy task. Good for your husband, he was lucky and bright. These days entering IIT is a circus by itself. Harmless gossip- hahaha. Gossips are always harmful for someone, right? :)

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  3. Haha..awesome post! These aunty talks can be so annoying. sigh

    love
    http://www.meghasarin.com

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    1. Welcome to my blog, Megha and yes, they are annoying!

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  4. ahahahaaaaaahahahaaaa.....*holding my sides*.....the double talks of we humans!

    Happy val to you also.

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    1. Thanks sis! Wish u a great val too :)

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  5. Here is my comment in your style
    Me (KP): Hi Nivedita, how fluently and humorously you write. Where do you get all these novel ideas from? You said you are busy with union activities and yet you churn out such delectable posts.
    HMV (KP’s mental voice): How blessed she is with such a natural gift. I am trying to inject humor in my posts and they fall flat invariably while this lady is so naturally witty and writes regularly on varied subjects with boldness that makes me look timid. I am green with envy.

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    Replies
    1. Flattery...flattery!!! Thank you so much, KP. Your stories are far better than my posts!

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  6. An interesting post. So typical of all the talk that happens around us. WE are always so judgmental when it comes to others.

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Krupa. Yes, we are judgemental.

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  7. Hilarious! Guess Aunties and split personalities go hand in hand. Fun post right till the end!

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    1. Hahaha..split personalities!! Right word- thanks for the comment, Arti!

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  8. Thank god that our minds don't have a vocal manifestation :P.

    Howlarious read Cloud Nine - enjoyed it every bit.

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    1. Thanks for the comment, AS. If our minds had vocal manifestation, we would all be at each other's throats now!!!

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  9. Haa! ROFL! Aunties talking and whining about things! Very typical!







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  10. That was hilarious! A great dose of fun :).

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