Wednesday, 7 March 2012

FAKING IT!!!

This post has been selected as Blogadda's Tangy Tuesday Pick, 13 March, 2012.




When someone says they are happily married for 50 years or 60 years, all i can do is roll my eyes upward! What a sham!!! Here is what Sirji tells Madamji and what she feels in reply. Does she have the courage to mouth it? Nah!
Sirji: My, my! You look beautiful!
Her Majesty's Voice: Oh no...no shopping today:(


Sirji: I just love your sambar.
Her Majesty's Voice: When is your Mother coming here???


Sirji: Can i have a tea? I have a splitting head ache!
Her Majesty's Voice: Dinner plans shelved???


Sirji: I can't find the iron box...where is the iron board?
Her Majesty's Voice: Oh no...not again. I am not going to do the entire week's laundry!


Sirji: No more cosmetic shopping, grrrrrrrr!
Her Majesty's Voice: As if you bought me the entire Chanel showroom...Bah!


Sirji: Look, your brother is online! Come, talk!
Her Majesty's Voice: To Hell with the cricket match:(


Sirji: I love your Dad:)))
Her Majesty's Voice: I hate your Mom!!!


Sirji: I will be late today, have an audit in office.
Her Majesty's Voice: Gawd! Has he taken to drinking again???


Sirji: I have to work this week end.
Her Majesty's Voice: Is your new secretary too working the week end? ( Fuming!)


Sirji: We have a dinner tonight with my friends...
Her Majesty's Voice: Oh no...I AM NOT cooking for that ARMY!!!


Sirji: Are you sick, darling?
Her Majesty's Voice: That is a cute way of asking why the floor is not mopped today!


Sirji: This tote bag is just made for you. So nice! Pick this!!!
Her Majesty's Voice: I noted that is the cheapest one in this whole freaking town!


Sirji: Get me the bag, let me buy groceries for you.
Her Majesty's Voice: God, is he going to while away an hour smoking and chatting with that no- good neighbor???


Sirji: I am proud of you, darling. Our children have scored well because of your hard work...a hug and a peck on the cheek...






Her Majesty's Voice: There...you lie down on the sofa and watch TV all the time, while i have to learn 13 th table nth time! Imagine how much you saved on a private tuition fee!


Sirji: Yuck! I hate this power outage. What to do now...Pretty boring!
Her Majesty's Voice: Oh no...I am already tired:(((






And here is what Madamji mouths and what Sirji thinks of it...
Madamji: Good morning dear!
His Master's Voice: I am not entering the kitchen to help you today!


Madamji: There is no power from six am today...
His Master's Voice: Please my Lord! Don't make me carry ten pails of water upstairs...


Madamji: This shirt is just awesome for you. You look adorable!
His Master's Voice: Am i getting my pay check today???


Madamji: Honey...i would like to do some window shopping today morning...hug and a smooch
His Master's Voice: Not again! There is no room in the closet for my dresses!!!


Madamji: Ouch...I have a splitting head ache, dear...making a wry face and smelling of eucalyptus oil...
His Master's Voice: Huh...one more take away dinner? Noooooooo....( albeit smiling sweetly)


Madamji: Your Mother is a genius. I love her laddoos...
His Master's Voice: Is your Mother on her way here already???


Madamji: Hold Junior for a moment, will be back in a second...
His Master's Voice: Bah! Must i change his diapers???




Madamji: Tell me how is this new dish. I tried it out with the neighbor.
His Master's Voice: Why is that woman testing her culinary skills on my grocery???


Madamji: I am inviting my friends over for a lunch tomorrow, dear!
His Master's Voice: Wow!!! I can invite my friends for a Sunday brunch!


Madamji: Looking longingly at the silk saree in the mall...Isn't that color lovely, darling? How would i look in that???
His Master's Voice: Smiling sweetly...I know that saree costs a fortune, i am not falling in your trap. You would be akin to an oversize water melon in that green organza!!!


Madamji: Listen baby...Vimala's husband bought her a new diamond necklace for their wedding anniversary...
His Majesty's Voice: That Sonofabitch...I wouldn't mind buying her one;)


Madamji: We are starting on a low carb diet from tomorrow.
His Majesty's Voice: I know you are too lazy to cook a proper breakfast.


Madamji: Can you please get me some vegetables from the shop?
His Majesty's Voice: I knew you'd ask me when i switched on the TV!


Madamji: Take Tommy for his night walk, dear. I am busy doing the dishes...
His Majesty's Voice: Wait, i shall wring its neck one day...


Madamji: Dry these clothes on the washline, honey!
His Majesty's Voice: Don't you 'honey' me...I can't find the clips. Where are the clothes? The washline is dirty. I got an urgent call from office.


Madamji: Shall we dine out this week end, darling?
His Majesty's Voice: God...i am going to lose one more cricket game to her wild dinner:(((


Madamji: Have you paid the telephone bill? Power bill? What happened to the insurance premium? 
His Majesty's Voice: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!! loud snore!!!


Ah...a toast to the "They lived happily ever after" part!

56 comments:

  1. LOL...You know that window shopping one is true in my relationship. Very entertaining...:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment, Saru! Glad you could connect;)

      Delete
  2. Haha..total hilarious post! Is this what happens in cloud9? ;)
    Some of them are very familiar too, coz it happens at my place :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vaish!!! You read between the lines so well:P Familiar? Yes, it happens everywhere!

      Delete
  3. My ribs are sore after the damage your tickling lines did.Each one is better than the other and the next door woman testing her culinary skills on his HM's grocery takes the cake
    None can beat you in your hilarious best.Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KP, thanks a ton for the comment. Glad you enjoyed the post;)

      Delete
  4. LOL...!! yes, parallel conversations. But it made me laugh Thanks a lot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment Meera! Glad i could make you laugh a bit;)

      Delete
  5. Now I know what men exactly think!! Thanks to you. It was hilarious!! Loved it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment, CD! Glad you loved it:)

      Delete
  6. lmao .. this was one awesome post .. i was mouthing *true dat* on every other line .. sigh .. its a crazy world we live in .. :P ..

    Hilarious read .. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to my blog, Menachery:) Thanks for the comment, true, na?:P

      Delete
  7. Thank you CN, itmade my mind relax. Unless it happens in families, it will not be a "real family" and life will be boring like shephard with his ghoats!

    I have observed that Mr. Sirji is strong in cost cutting activities. Both are "made for each other" and their life together will be really interesting!

    Another cute post to enjoy with! Applauses CN!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Janaki, thanks for the comment. Glad it made you relax! Sirji is indeed Budget Padmanaban:P Hopefully, life goes on happily for them together;)

      Delete
  8. ROFL...All were absolute gems.especially the one with the doggy...poor tommy :P
    looking forward to read more of ur work :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Zach...welcome to my blog:) Thanks for the comment and glad you liked it:)

      Delete
  9. are u doing phd or something on this...
    to me, it will take whole month to write this much of conversation..

    and yes i would say this post seem to b a little biased toward "madam ji".. :)

    enjoyable read..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PhD?? LOL!!! Thanks a ton for the comment and welcome to my blog Sumukh:) Clever, You found out!!! Yes, li'l biased toward Madamji:P

      Delete
  10. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    I LIKE YOUR FATHER= I HATE YOUR MOTHER
    Ghahahahaahahahahahahahah! epic post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot for the comment, Red! Glad you liked it;)

      Delete
  11. excellent ! good share

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the comment, Fauzia. And welcome to my blog:)

      Delete
  12. Hilarious! That read was full of fun! Thanks for tickling me pink, CN! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Arti! Thank you, babe! Glad you had a good laugh;)

      Delete
  13. #laughing so hard my ribs ache#......ahahahahhahaaaa...oh my gawddd!

    You nailed it on the head, sister! *thumbs up!*

    I missed you so much and your satire writings....you sure are funny!

    A columnist in Nigeria once wrote a satire article on the LIES WOMEN

    TELL......many women came out brandishing their swords, i told them

    to calm down, becox it is true! #laughing again# ....50years of

    marriage and no 'issues?' IMPOSSIBLE! If only people would stop

    living a lie and know there is no perfect marriage or relationship,

    then we can all live along amicably and the rate of divorce would be

    low....but, some want the fairy-tale princess happily ever after!

    #laughing again#....oh it was so much fun to read and am happy to be

    back to blogsville....surely missed you....hey! What about Meera?.

    I wish i had her e-mail....let me jog off to her blog...if am able

    to get the link, i would send it to you and we can have a good laugh

    xoxoxo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ibhade...thanks a ton for visiting my blog, after a BIG break! So happy to have you back in blogsville. Actually, husband dear was enquiring about you few days back. "where is that nice lady Ibhade? I don't see her comments on the blog these days". Wait till i tell him this:) Meera is fine, keeps up her inspirational writing:) Glad you liked this post;)

      Delete
  14. http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/columnists/funke/2009/funke-05-sept-2009.htm

    this is the link, THE PUBLIC LIES MARRIED WOMEN TELL.... hope you have a good laugh, as i did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG!!! ROFL! Thanks for the share, Ibhade:))) Had fun reading it;)

      Delete
  15. That's some neat 'Mind Voice' catching you've done here :P.

    Howlarious one; have decided to stalk your blog regularly.

    Cheers :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Atrocious Siblings, thanks for the kind comment:) Welcome to my blog, hope you stalk all the time:P

      Delete
  16. Lmsao...Oh My Daze...this is some real toast too happily ever after

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks for the comment, Dayor:) Glad you liked it!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Nice one !! BTW, What impressed or influenced you to write this blog? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Siva...long time, mate! Thanks for being here:) And know what, personal experiences always enrich my posts:P Or atleastprovide the spark;)

      Delete
  19. Ha Ha... Good One Sis.. Loved the conversation.................

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment dear SiS:P Happy you loved the conversation!

      Delete
  20. ROFL ..lovely ..simply awesome.
    loved entire post

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment, Ravindra! And welcome to my blog:)

      Delete
  21. Superrrr post!Loved it completely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Upasana! Glad you loved it:)

      Delete
  22. First time here...and I was completely laughing all the way till the end...

    Cloud Nine...you have got a stalker :P

    Am off to dig your posts now :D

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hey Zackandme, welcome to my blog:) Thanks for stalking:P

    ReplyDelete
  24. Relishing your blog after a long long time... & am so glad... this was my dessert!:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gee! Thanks Rinaya! For the visit and the sweet comment:)

      Delete
  25. Very entertaining one. This is very realistic and funny.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Is it all yr own words?, thn nice imagination s.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why you want a certification that these words are mine and authentic? :P Yes, they are mine :) Thanks!

      Delete

Hey, just let me know your feedback:)