Tuesday 14 February 2012

Surviving the Valentine's Day!

Love is in the air! Oh, no! Not again...The whole town is painted damn red and for a lovelorn lady left sulking at home, i find anything that is red, purely- annoying. PDA has reached dizzying heights and it is a real headache to watch doe- eyed beauties batting eyelashes at the most interesting specimens of human males! I flick the TV remote only to be mortified watching the video clip of Karnataka's ministers watching porn in the Assembly. Honorable Ministers, indeed! Suddenly it seems Kama Sutra has worked wonders for the Indian 'aam admi'. Where are the orange brigades who pledge to marry off couples in public places on V-Day? Pramod Muthalik was last heard a year back. Wonder what would be his punishment for the (S)EX Ministers. Sex is probably the most shunned topic and even love affairs at home are often hush hush affairs. But the rate at which couples elope and wed or live together is hitting the roof! All in the name of Love?


Come Vday and you are single? Why worry? Here is a detailed guide of surviving a VDay unscathed;)

1. ESCAPE THE RED HEAT
Easier always to duck, than attend that delivery! Better, feign some illness- we damn sure know it is heart burn;) It can be a stomach ailment or a flu. Never attend office or colleges on V Day, lest you end up sulking the whole day looking at hordes of couples walking past you, as if you were a tree on the campus. Hit the bean bag, flick the remote, munch in your favorite 'lays' and gulp down the agony- you are not getting laid this year! Strict warning: Avoid cozy restaurants, candle lit diners, parks, gardens, beaches and movie halls at any cost.

2. DON"T KISS, BUT TELL!
This is a far better idea. You can always weave a tale of love that can put epics to shame. Buy DVDs of latest Bollywood romance flicks and there you have your story. Visit florists, shop for the most beautiful card, browse chocolates online and always keep yourself engaged in talking to the '(n)ever-present' girl/ boy on your mobile. Close your eyes often and pretend to be dreaming about your 'love'. Hard, but easier done if you can close your eyes and tell your seventh and eighth multiplication tables twice without a mistake. May be that would be till eternity;) Keep boasting! Pose with pictures of your teddy and you, a huge bouquet of red roses ( may be you can rent one from the unassuming florist a week earlier!) and a box of chocolates, that can be conveniently empty. Post the pictures on Facebook and twitter your KEWL LOVE COOCHIE COO! Tell your friends what a helluva time you are having with your girl/ boy friend. Take care to maintain it is a 'long distance' love.


3. LOOK OUT
 Always look out for the positive signs. Who knows, you may even land up at your loves' doorstep on V Day! That is, if you are not the milkman or postman. Watch out for the singles who are ready to mingle. This list is now HUGE- starting from our very own Bollywood hotties- Dippy to Bips, Ranbir to Sid. How to spot the singles? The best day to spot singles is VDay! They are alone, tense, drawn or even skeptic. Who knows, a walk in the evening might bring you close to your next partner.

4. BE HAPPY
 Be happy- you have no romantic interest. Remember VDay is a purely commercial holiday, with jewelers, restaurateurs and gift shop owners minting money. Thank Dear God that he saved your wallet from a catastrophe! Roam around malls and just window shop the cutest card, largest bouquet and biggest teddy. Use your pocket calculator and pump your fists, mate! You saved a few thousand bucks there. Bless The Lord, Amen!



p.s.: My sincere apologies to the guy in class nine who gifted me my first VDay card, who got duly turned to my mentor and received the thrashing of his life!
p.p.s.: Valentines' Day wishes to all! Have fun, single or couple;)
p.p.p.s: My VDay wishes to my dearest L. Thank you for the wonderful, wonderful gift this VDay. I know it blew a crater in your wallet;) I Love You!

12 comments:

  1. Hehe, Good guide for surviving the color of red... Many thanks for sharing it :D

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    1. Arti;))) Glad you liked the share. Happy Valentines' Day to you!

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  2. you gave the poor guy the thrashing of his life!!!!men are afraid of me you know :(
    but you have given us the perfect method to live thru the day, sadly I read it late. My bad!!
    I am sorry!!!

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    1. Hey Red, better be late than never;) So thanks for the comment. And so far as we bloggers are concerned, men are really really afraid of us:P

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  3. Ha, ha dont kiss but tell...
    The day is hyped..its for teenagers or those who believe in red heart shaped things...

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    1. Alka, thanks for the comment. Yes, true, too much of hype for no proper reason:(

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  4. I had commented on your post! Where did it disappear?

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    1. Hey Purba! I don't know? This is the first comment of yours that i got to see in this post...

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  5. Hey Cloud nine, I was looking out, wandering all the day, unfortunately I didn't get signal from any body other than the signal post!

    I believe I can celebrate my V'day with my partner ny next Feb 14!

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    1. Hi Janaki, thanks for the comment. LOL that you couldn't spot someone this year around...better luck next year;)

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  6. Well Valentine's day has nothing to do with love - it is something created by the greeting card companies to sell their cards and other gifts. I dislike the way commerce is creeping up into the space of love! The media ofcourse needs some fuel to keep its fire burning and so here we have - new songs, events and what not. And Promod Muthalik and co are idiots with more time on their hands than required. But I like the way you have laughed at all of this in the post!

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    1. Thanks for the comment Meera! We both share the same opinion on the day...

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