Letter from Kuppamma to Netas...

Pic courtesy google search

Vanakkam, sir. We live in a compound. It is a compound because scores of people compound and jumble in tiny cubicles called 'houses'. The doors and windows are old, probably more than a century-old. They creak and squeak, the main door of our house is unlockable(!) and unbreakable. Our house is single bedroom house- no, no,not the one bedroom, hall, kitchen style villa, but the entire house is a bedroom. A tiny kerosene stove and a few bottles form our kitchen in a corner. There are a few mats rolled in a corner that serves as a bedroom and the area where you enter is our hall, furnished with a single chair with two broken legs. The rats outnumber members of our family, which is nonetheless not less than a dozen. My husband is a die-hard Rajini fan, so see, we too release a newbie every year! The most prized possession of our house is however our TV- Kalaignaruku Nandri! We have a new colour TV, thanks to the DMK which has distributed free TVs for every home. Sadly, their own cable goons pocket a hundred rupees per month as cable charges. And we are yet to receive that free gas stove, free house and free 2 acre land dear CM!

Cut out!
Pic courtesy- google search

Our dress collection includes all the free sarees and dhoties supplied by Amma. We wish Amma is elected to power soon, our iron trunk box wardrobe needs an overhaul. Or may be we should wait for DMK and ADMK agents to throw free sarees and dhoties at midnight. We never lock our main door, hoping something free might land up in the midnight. Its like a Christmas visit by Santas, oops...Netas. We keep our standard yellow cloth bag outside the house and eagerly await the gifts of the Election Season! Netas like you, do visit our homes, once in five years when the election festival begins. You crouch and bow begging for our votes. Murals of Ammas and Aiyas decorate our compound walls which need a year's downpour to wash them away. Festooned with little flags and waving handbills, our children enjoy a month of frenzied electionomania. Banners torn by wind help us in plugging holes on the tiled roof of our house. How many banners ever we try to pick up, they are simply not enough to cover up. And the cut outs! How can we forget them?  Parties pay my son money to climb on 40 feet cut outs of Netas to pour milk and to garland! It is fifty rupees for each climb and my son earns a few bucks in this season, other than Rajini movie releases...

Oh how did i forget to tell about the 500 rupees? Our 500 rupee note- the prized catch of election season is due to arrive any time soon. I wish we lived in Thirumangalam- where MK Alagiri's agents handed out 5000 rupees for a vote. How i wish my dozen kids grow up fast- we could get 6000 rupees every election! You see, there is nothing wrong in giving us a wee-bit of money what the Netas stole from us, right? And then there is the chicken biriyani on election day! So yummy, we get to taste that biriyani once in five years. By-elections always sounds good, a little of biriyani once a year might be great! Oh...there are these biriyanis whenever there are party conferences and " maanadus" where we are herded in lorries. I must say, all parties are so generous when it comes to biriyanis and liquor. They are in full supply during the elections that my husband is always madly drunk...DMK, ADMK, PMK, DMDK, MDMK, who worries what MK it is? All we are worried about is the biriyani and quarter;) By the way- what is this Wikki Leaky thing? Some leaking tap, i think. You know, we always stuff leaky taps with old disposed clothes. Why not someone try to close that leaking tap? Are we going to lose a few sarees, dhoties, biriyani, liquor and 500 rupees because of a leaking tap? Ridiculous! I hope our Netas fix it fast and start supplying the freebies soon. Elections are round the corner. Any help in fixing the tap might be available from Karthi Chidambaram and MK Alagiri!