Wednesday 27 April 2011

Brides Wanted



*Australian citizen, 39 yrs/ 6 ft, professional Whistle-blower, six- figure salary, own house, car, company, well-travelled, teetotaller(?) needs tall, fair, slim, beautiful Indian bride willing to settle in Iceland or Switzerland, depending on which country grants asylum! Contact- P.O.Box No- 110011 or Smith's Norfolk Mansion, Ellingham Hall, till July 12, 2011.



*Indo- Italian citizen, 40 yrs/ 5 ft 6", professional politician, wealthy, own wing in national party, teetotaller needs tall, fair, slim, beautiful Indian bride ( Spanish women please excuse!) willing to settle in a joint family and become next Bahurani. Contact-10, Janpath.

Looking at the matrimonial profiles of these two Most Eligible Bachelors in the world, i am surprised! Men, are you not supposed to fall in love at 20, date for another 10 years and marry at 30? No wonder one is facing extradition charges for sexual assault case and the other one is aptly called Amul Baby! Assange dear's sexual encounters are "consensual" and will be dealt with as per Swedish law. Lucky dude, all that happened in Sweden, not Saudi Arabia- imagine if a thief loses his hand for stealing in Saudia, what our Assange loses!

Nomadic lifestyle that suits only maniacs, no permanent address, innumerable 'consensual' sexual partners and wallet full of money- excuse me Paypal, you acted too late...Assange's whistle blows everywhere, its shrill noise has reached India just now. May be some wealthy Indian politco will marry off his Iklauti Beti to Assange just to save his name from being released in the 'Swissi'leaks! Or may be Assange should marry one of his 'consensual' partners urging them to drop the case, as it happens in our Bolly and Kollywood masala movies! Another option would be to look for an unsuspecting victim bride in Iceland. It is the only country that can be safe- eskimos of Iceland must certainly be unaware of his heroics and could find him a prospective bride within their clan. Daniel Assange wouldn't mind being called 'son' by a two- braided eskimo lass!


Picture courtesy- Cartoonstock

Oh Ra(h)ul's left out of the party! India's most eligible groom is still learning lessons from Mamma. Spanish sweet heart Veronique Cartelli seems 'politically wrong' and so Mamma has now opted to play the Matchmaker. Be it Kingmaker or Matchmaker, Mamma always plays the role with aplomb. So the choice is now limited to lucky partymen who have young and beautiful betis. Harvard degree ( Cambridge seems repetitive!), few thousand crores stashed away in Swiss lockers, Royal Gandhi or Nehru nomenclature- even Surya'gandhi' will do-voila! that is the bride we have been waiting for.

Mamma would love an early marriage- see, Maneka's son married already...why should Raul be left out? Bahurani must wear silk cotton sarees only and must sport a tame pony-tail till eternity! And as devout and sincere Indians, to that family and to its people, we pledge our devotion. Bahurani shall one day be our Prime Minister and i hope we all shall live that long to see her- shall we Raul? Or will Car-telly win the rat race and become next Bahurani? Bahurani or otherwise, Telly girl needs to pull down her skirt (literally!) and roll up her sleeves to work- courting Mamma's boy is not cakewalk!!!
Rahul and Veronique
Pic courtesy- googlesearch

25 comments:

  1. lol. gues dere's so much at stake in d goldmine dat d whole long drawn process may last upto eternity n eventually get no takers :o

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  2. hey...this is a nice writeup...and i could not control my laughter after reading what will assange lose if he happens to be in saudi and poor raul..he can not openly marry his sweetheart...(when we can get a bahurani from idli ..sorry italy then y not from spain??)

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  3. hummm, naan kooda nee ennapathi dhaan ezhudhi irukkiyo'nu nenaichi inga vandhen.... Nalla vela.

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  4. hehehe she atleast needs to pull up her sleeve to impress the saas :D
    and Rahul is 40!! Gosh Mama need to polish her match making skills :)
    and what a profile of Assange
    enjoyed reading

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  5. Lols! Now that William is getting married Rahul koh to available rehna chshiye

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  6. nice one cloud nine and so I agree with your points, later is amul baby.. nice laughter here..

    ___________________________________

    PS: My reply to your comments..

    Thank you so much cloud nine for your encouraging words and coming to debate.. First, Social Media, if you can't believe a friend via his/her words then what you need to believe someone? Of couse you can't judge a person just by letters but when the conversation continues then you can really judge him/her.. and this is a healthy debate and comments are just for argument and clarification on how the world's perception is, simply to say it is like IPL where the eleven players of Indian Team clash against each other.

    So I request you to put forward points here to have a healthy debate..

    Someone is Special

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  7. Dear Sadiya, thanks for your lovely comment! As age increases, demand decreases...what a theory;)

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  8. Dear Ramnath, thanks for your comment. Italy or Spain, bahuranis are bahuranis and we shall still remain loyal to the Royal Nehru blood:P

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  9. vjn...hahaha....lucky escape, huh? Thanks for your comment.

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  10. Dear Rajlakshmi, thanks for your comment. Inspiring, indeed. Have to accept what you say, Mamma needs to hone her matchmaking skills!!!

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  11. Dear Rampyari, thanks for the visit and comment. William has taken the plunge....and the Indian Prince is still testing waters...lol!

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  12. Dear Sis...thanks fro your comment on my blog. Regarding the online socialising, i have already written a post- The Social Network. Shall follow the debate in Indiblogger!

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  13. This is hilarious!! Look for robots....of the female varieties for these eligible men!

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  14. Dear Meera! Thanks for your kind comment. Robots? hahaha....

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  15. Dear UB, thanks for your visit and first comment!

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  16. As expected..a hilarious post..
    Hope Rahul Gandhi decides to get married soon...atleast after this post...
    and yeah..congrats..for the notable newie of blogadda..you simply deserve that tag

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  17. Dear Madrasi, thanks a lot for your comment and wishes.

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  18. Liked this and the way you write

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  19. Dear KParthasarathi, thanks a ton for your first comment in my blog! I am humbled:)))

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  20. A great piece of writing! very humorous! It needs a lot of intelligence to write like this.

    keep it up!

    RESTLESS

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  21. LOL, so Car-telly was once on the top of the girls tally who sought Raul. But it would certainly be difficult to appease Mamma while Amul baby would just sulk behind in her Aanchal. :P

    And next prime minister, isn't there a formal gap, though we all know who sits over Dear Mannu.

    Nice read.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  22. Dear Restless, thanks a lot for your comment and wishes:))

    Dear Blasphemous Aesthete, thanks for your first comment in my blog. Welcome:)))

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  23. well well well.. that was definitely in the belt if not below. Well said though... the two of them are however quiet contrasting. One self made.. the other ! The lesser the said better.

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  24. Dear Mayank, thanks for the comment. Yes, it landed right, i hope:P

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