Namma Chennai da!

The relentlessly hot sun that is 'sunnier' than Sunny and the heat that sizzles more than the spiciest sizzler. Welcome to Namma Chennai- the large sized oven. There seems to be no respite as day after day the sun becomes warmer and the neighbors smell like sweat tankers. Bathing four times a day, drinking gallons of water and eating tonnes of water melons- nothing helps. The jugs of juice shunted inside the system exit within minutes as sweat, that reminds us of henceforth unknown folds and crevices in the body.

The power outages- both announced and unannounced hit us with vehemence. The apt timing selected by TNEB for power cuts is exactly 11 pm. You slug it out in the kitchen, read the kids a story, smother them to sleep and by the time your head hits the pillow, the AC's hum that sounds Beethoven-ish stops with a boom. End of bliss. I am wondering if this 11 pm power cut is a deliberate measure by Electricity Board in connivance with Population Control to bring down the already dipping birth rates. 

The single cloak that Chennai's women sport- the proverbial 'nightie' which is an effective mosquito repellent during the monsoons now act as an umbrella shading the body from the heat. The larger the size, the airier it is. Buy 5XL size. Would form a shade all around you. 

As for the guys out there- the lungis are airy, but mind you, donning the lungis and sleeping atop terraces of apartments might land you in jail for indecency. The three-fourth shorts has suddenly found prominence. So are the hairy muscular legs on display. The best dress to beat the heat and remain safe would be the Raj Kiran special patta-patti trousers and brown veshtis that were white once upon a time, folded 3 inches above the knee. A few more inches up, you may give Sunny a run for her money;)

Ah! Coolest pic- Rajkiran with his Pattapatti ;)

Chennaiites have taken to the 'tanda tanda cool cool' powders so much that you can make out who has taken bath and who hasn't in the city bus. The ones who were lucky enough to wash themselves with ferrous sulphate and water solution will definitely spot the tell-tale white make up, as if dipped in the entire month's flour rations! Those who haven't, dare not venture near them. The 'sexy sexy' deodorants that they have gassed themselves with might have evaporated faster than the water bodies of Tamilnadu in peak summer. Still if you want to discover the hitherto unexplored 'fragrances', take the chance. Even sarin might spare you, not the underarm odor of the ambassadors of axe!

The easiest and reasonable dish to cook during summers is our all time favorite 'thayir sadam' (curd rice) paired with 'sutta vadu maangai' (stolen raw mango pickle). Having a stomach full of curd rice in the hot summer afternoon and crouching before the AC vent, all you can imagine as your eyes force shut down is the Swiss Alps where the Bolly Kollywood heroes and heroines run around singing, ekdum nanga! Envy!!!

If this is the plight of us humans, imagine the life of cows and trees. Thankfully the cows are chill, awaiting the name of Gurgaon to be changed to Go-gram. It gives them a high and I do wish Chennai isn't renamed Chen'go' going by our love towards cows and their urine. Birds- the occasional pigeons that practically live in our bedroom windows take shitty revenge on our closed windows by pooping their hearts(and stomach) fill on the motor. 

Despite the vagaries of the sun and soaring temperatures, we love 'theri' and the long wait at the malls for tickets. We have the penchant to fall for the two hundred rupees thrown at us for an election campaign meeting at 2 pm. We still love our nannari sarbats with a fag. Was this the Chennai that was flooded and sinking under the rains? I wonder. Rain or shine, we love it- with ferrous sulphate sweat dripping down our noses. NAMMA CHENNAI DA!

p.s.: Bitchy post- alright, its 3 pm and I am almost drained of all hydration

p.p.s.: I wish I could write more often, the writer's block is an imaginary situation created only by my laziness;)

p.p.p.s.: I am in love with Pankaja Munde and her selfies :P

Who is the mother?

The Trichy- Vridhdhachalam passenger was almost leaving as she ran with all her might. The chappatis will be soaked in the chutney, she thought with disdain. The Guard must have watched her running and he signaled her to run faster. I am not PT Usha, she mumbled to herself and clambered on to the last ladies coach. As usual, it was jam-packed. Rather air-tight. A heady smell of samosas, jasmine flowers, sweat and Ponds powder wafted along and she chose to sit on the floor, near the doorway.

She sat by the window, as trees and buildings whizzed by. Her stomach kept somersaulting as hunger gnawed her intestines. "I must have a tea atleast, to keep me alive", she thought to herself. The train kept on chugging. She kept staring at the blank space, wondering what her mother would be doing now. Could she have found her missing? Not with the steady stream of customers she kept entertaining with. She would feel her daughter gone only when she was hungry. A satisfactory smile spread across her face. Today, her mother will be hungry. Just like how she kept her daughter hungry for a long time.

By dinner time the bogie was almost empty with only three ladies snoring peacefully. This is time for dinner, she thought. The chutney oozing chappatis made her stomach flip. But she had to eat something. Or she cannot work the night, issuing tickets all night long, in a deserted station. A wry smile and few breaths later, she gulped down the chapatis, downing it with half a bottle water. Two more calls to the children, assigning them homework and clearing their doubts, she felt it the time for a shut-eye. 

The chapatis. She tried not to look at the plump woman looking haggard by the opposite side, two bays across. She was yelling over the phone, probably to her children, as the talk centered on homework. Why can't her life be like that? Carefree. Easy. She tried to remember when she was helped by her mother in her studies and went crazy. The woman didn't even know what her daughter had studied. She was too busy dealing with her drunkard father till he died and then making ends meet in their mundane existence.Her mother could also have been someone like this lady. Had she chosen her birth. A hot breath escaped her as she awaited her station.

"Madam, madam"...she heard the feeble voice calling to her. Where was she? She rubbed her eyes and sat bolt upright. The train was vacant and had halted. The reed thin girl was shaking her awake. "This is the last station, amma", the girl-woman blurted and she smiled at her. She must be somewhere about eighteen or nineteen years old. Thankfully, someone was in the bogie to wake her up. She collected her bag and jumped down on the platform, a brisk walk to the booking counter. The thin girl tried to keep pace with her and she felt mildly irritated. Why should she walk with me? She eyed her carefully now. The girl had a small overnight bag and looked disheveled.  She deliberately slowed down and asked her- "Do you want a tea?"

Her eyes almost watered at the kindness shown on her. She nodded her head urgently and was grateful when they both sat on the platform's bench for a hot cup of tea. They drank it in complete silence, each lost in their own thoughts. She looked flabbergasted when the lady asked her- "Where are you going?"

She had sensed her right. At the simple question where she was going, the woman looked like a deer caught by the headlights, ready to run. Whoa! Easy there, she said to herself. "There are no trains to Trichy now. The first train is by 8.30. I work in the counter here. Come, let me get you a ticket", she gently coaxed.  Without a word, the girl followed her as they walked silently under a moonless night to the booking counter. She barged inside the office, asked her colleague to issue a ticket to Trichy, paid money from her purse and took it out to the waiting girl.

She came back in few minutes with ticket in her hand. She was nervous by now as to what she would say. She instead handed her the ticket in silence and held her hand for a few seconds. "I do not know where you come from or where you plan to go. But I feel, home is where the heart is. As a mother and as a daughter I know your predicament. This world is not the nicest place for you, without your mother. Get back to her. One day, when the time is right, she will set you free." With those words, she turned back to leave. The girl called her once- "Amma" as she turned and smiled. "I am leaving and thank you", was all that she could say. Tears threatened to trickle as she walked away fast from her.

She stood on the platform watching her leave. She sent a silent prayer Upwards that the girl should reach home safe. As she walked back to the counter, she let out a sigh. It was going to be a very long night and her children would be sleeping alone, dreaming of a day when their mother would take them on a ride in a roller-coaster.