Brides Wanted

*Australian citizen, 39 yrs/ 6 ft, professional Whistle-blower, six- figure salary, own house, car, company, well-travelled, teetotaller(?) needs tall, fair, slim, beautiful Indian bride willing to settle in Iceland or Switzerland, depending on which country grants asylum! Contact- P.O.Box No- 110011 or Smith's Norfolk Mansion, Ellingham Hall, till July 12, 2011.

*Indo- Italian citizen, 40 yrs/ 5 ft 6", professional politician, wealthy, own wing in national party, teetotaller needs tall, fair, slim, beautiful Indian bride ( Spanish women please excuse!) willing to settle in a joint family and become next Bahurani. Contact-10, Janpath.

Looking at the matrimonial profiles of these two Most Eligible Bachelors in the world, i am surprised! Men, are you not supposed to fall in love at 20, date for another 10 years and marry at 30? No wonder one is facing extradition charges for sexual assault case and the other one is aptly called Amul Baby! Assange dear's sexual encounters are "consensual" and will be dealt with as per Swedish law. Lucky dude, all that happened in Sweden, not Saudi Arabia- imagine if a thief loses his hand for stealing in Saudia, what our Assange loses!

Nomadic lifestyle that suits only maniacs, no permanent address, innumerable 'consensual' sexual partners and wallet full of money- excuse me Paypal, you acted too late...Assange's whistle blows everywhere, its shrill noise has reached India just now. May be some wealthy Indian politco will marry off his Iklauti Beti to Assange just to save his name from being released in the 'Swissi'leaks! Or may be Assange should marry one of his 'consensual' partners urging them to drop the case, as it happens in our Bolly and Kollywood masala movies! Another option would be to look for an unsuspecting victim bride in Iceland. It is the only country that can be safe- eskimos of Iceland must certainly be unaware of his heroics and could find him a prospective bride within their clan. Daniel Assange wouldn't mind being called 'son' by a two- braided eskimo lass!



Picture courtesy- Cartoonstock



Oh Ra(h)ul's left out of the party! India's most eligible groom is still learning lessons from Mamma. Spanish sweet heart Veronique Cartelli seems 'politically wrong' and so Mamma has now opted to play the Matchmaker. Be it Kingmaker or Matchmaker, Mamma always plays the role with aplomb. So the choice is now limited to lucky partymen who have young and beautiful betis. Harvard degree ( Cambridge seems repetitive!), few thousand crores stashed away in Swiss lockers, Royal Gandhi or Nehru nomenclature- even Surya'gandhi' will do-voila! that is the bride we have been waiting for.

Mamma would love an early marriage- see, Maneka's son married already...why should Raul be left out? Bahurani must wear silk cotton sarees only and must sport a tame pony-tail till eternity! And as devout and sincere Indians, to that family and to its people, we pledge our devotion. Bahurani shall one day be our Prime Minister and i hope we all shall live that long to see her- shall we Raul? Or will Car-telly win the rat race and become next Bahurani? Bahurani or otherwise, Telly girl needs to pull down her skirt (literally!) and roll up her sleeves to work- courting Mamma's boy is not cakewalk!!!

Rahul and Veronique
Pic courtesy- googlesearch